Escape from Tragedy

Chapter 32: why?

"Babe, let's watch a movie." I told him as I came into the living room.

He sat there on the couch with his playbook in hand as he studied his plays. He's been at this for a two hours, like it's time for a break.

"Babe, why don't you have a break let's watch a movie, relax and then go back to studying" I suggested.

"No babe, you watch the movie and I'll listen." He said not really paying attention to me.

"Babe" I said playfully whining.

"Shut up! Damn! Don't you see I'm trying to study and trying to get this right?! My career is way more important than a movie let alone yours." He yelled at me with this look of warning.

I disregarded this look he is giving me. No one is going to talk to me that way. Let alone feel they are worth more.

"Are you serious right now? Who gives you the right to talk to me that way? Huh? Let alone feel that you have some type of authority. Don't YOU ever speak to me in that way ever again!" I yelled at him, he lost his damn mind talking to me that way.

"Bitch! Shut up, I'll talk to you however I want to talk to you" he said standing up in my face.

I stood there looking at him, he's a complete asshole. Why do I stay with this evil man?

"No the hell you won't! You fucking-" I was cut off by being slapped by him. I almost lost my balance but I caught myself before falling.

I woke up sweating from this nightmare, Max came and laid in my lap licking my hand. I pet him and try to calm my breathing down. What the hell? I thought I was done with these nightmares... Why? Why?!

I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I stood in the shower to shake off the dream and trying to not recap that night. Right when I think I am being strong and I am starting to get my voice and be myself I have a nightmare like this.

I got out the shower, brushed my teeth, I put on a pair of underwear, a bra. I went to my closet and grabbed a pair of joggers and a loose shirt. I went downstairs to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Amilia and Sophia are sitting at the breakfast table eating and talking, Max is out running around in the backyard.

"Morning" I said as I walked to stove to grab the kettle.

"Morning" They said and then went back to talking about work.

I made my self a cup of chamomile tea and grabbed a blueberry muffin and sat at the table. I looked out the window and watched Max play outside, he is so free and happy. I can't wait to have my home and have a big backyard for him to run and have his tree so that he can lay under it.

"Olivia, are you okay?" Sophia said touching my face.

I didn't realize I was crying until I felt her finger wipe away a tear. I cleared my throat and just sat there, I am not okay. When will I ever be...

"No, I had a nightmare last night about Ryan...." I told them trying to hold back the tears.

"Your still having nightmares? I thought you weren't having them anymore" Amilia said shocked that I still am.

"Yeah I thought so too, I guess not" I said shrugging my shoulders.

We sat in silence and I started thinking, I forgave him. Why am I still having these nightmares? I felt light when I told him I forgave him... unless I didn't fully forgive him....

"I don't think I fully forgave him, I say and I told him I did but I don't think I fully whole heart did. I still feel pain just hearing his name, I'm sure I always will but I don't think it would be this bad." I told them crying.