Just My P.A.

33~ The final chapter (A)

"Butterflies died in my stomach and turned into heavy stones,
And I will lay in my bed forever and make dust piles from my bones.
Oh god I can't say that I miss you, with silence spread out like the sea,
With that blank stare sketched on your face I know you have not thought of me.
I'm tired of feeling this tired ,
A terribly constant fatigue ; with a heavy heart blocking my lungs,
You still make it hard to breathe."
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I'm not sure what I feel right now. I feel empty.

Should I empathise? Should I feel regret? Should I forgive? Should I build my rage?

I accelerated further , I didn't know where I was going. My hands were trembling over the wheel , my breath was slowing down.
Should I pull across?

I slowed down, but kept going anyway . This wasn't something new that was happening. I was expecting this all along. But why does this feel so different? I have been through this before. I kept thinking about Dhruv and Alya and fab five, and then it happened.

I pictured Nandini and Harshad together. I pictured them getting married. I then pictured him beating her. I felt more rage. I pictured her lying to me, I remembered how she manipulated me each second from the very first day. I pictured kissing her, I pictured how she smiled and was brave enough to cope up with me. I remembered her beautiful face,I remembered her crying. I remembered her marrying Harshad again.

It was too much to handle. I felt like I was trapped inside a tower , I've been locked and the key was lost.The darkness that creeps in at night is my only company. No one tries to save me here since they can't hear me scream . I make no attempts to break free. I was drowning in a sea of emotions and I felt being pulled downwards. It was difficult to breathe anymore, I had accepted my defeat.
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I walked up to my room and sat down on the bed,looking at the floor for quite a while before I started scrolling through my phone , finding several missed calls, but none from her.

"I'm fine, I drove back home" I texted Cabir back.
It has been a long day I realised looking about the dimly lit room. It has been a very long day.

I fell back on my bed with a sigh when I felt something beneath me, I turned about quickly and found an envelope with my name on it and a sticky note mentioning "from Cabir".
I broke the seal open and found a pendrive inside.
What more could be there ? Did I want to know anymore ? What was left?

I played the pendrive on the laptop eventually. My heart sank to what I saw,
" Manik" she called my name softly ,settling on the ground and adjusting the camera.
"If you are seeing this, it means you know the truth, maybe." She said and looked down and started fiddling with her fingers.

I was not ready for this, but she went on nevertheless .

"You remember the day you asked me what my part of the story was? I hesitated then. But I guess...Maybe I'm ready now" she said looking at the camera with a blank face.

"How can you say you know me when you have only seen my skin? And not the untamed world I hide, that's growing deep within. You haven't heard my ribs creak , behind each plaited vines. Or swam beneath the waterfall that cascades down my spine. This is a story I promised I'd never tell you, but I feel you must know.....My story isn't that simple as you think, I lost my brother in an accident, or let's say a predicted accident as a warning to stay quiet about everything. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, a didn't know what Harshad had on me. The next thing I knew I had tied the scared knot with this monster. I realised he was waiting for this...Appa, I mean Dad had passed away, three years back and then one day when I decided to leave all this and start fresh,I received this letter from my Ma. My life was pretty down hill, you see I was a science student and then when Rishab suddenly died, everything fell apart. I didn't know what my family was being punished for. Anyway the letter...Ayii said she was fine but for how long she didn't know....I knew I was trapped in this forever and Harshad would make me do whatever that is he wanted from me. I never revolted, maybe that's why he took more advantage...He told me he saw potential in me...he said he would make everything fine...and then all this....ahhh....ummmn....anyway, You asked me about my scars, " she said and a drop of tear fell from her eyes.
I felt my stomach turn and I couldn't control my breath. I tried hard to keep the emotions pushing through me suppressed when her voice broke in through my thoughts,