Just My P.A.

EPILOUGE

1 year later

I've stopped feeling numb lately. I've stopped having second thoughts about this.

I stand at the airport and think about rain. I think about getting drenched. I think about running through meadows. I think about my forbidden fantasies. Is is okay to still feel like that?

I look up at the night sky. It is dark and cold. I look around when our eyes finally met.

Oh is it still right to feel this way?
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6 months earlier.

My wait for escape had been long.
I have waited. It is tiring to survive here.

I stood at the gate of the airport with the court order in my hand. It was the final day of Harshad's trial and my presence was required as the sole witness to whatever he had done. His trial went on for a while parallel to which I shifted to Mangalore with my Aiyee, until yesterday when I was called back.
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I walked inside the court room and took a seat. I spotted Cabir , Alya and Mukti seated behind alongside Harshad already on the stand. I realised I was late. Nobody seemed to have noticed my presence until sometime later.

I waited to settle in , in the situation when the door of the court room opened again. My heart skipped a beat. My brain froze and my hands were turning cold. I didn't dare look. I knew all of my hormones were going wild and my anxiety was at its peak.

It was him. Manik.

"Ms. Nandini" the lawyer called out. I was yet looking down.

I fear I'll forget what he looks like after sometime. I still genuinely regret having pushed him away. I tired moving on with my life. Months have gone by, then why is it that he's still alive in my memory? Why is it that he still lingers around my souls as if it's his home - when I've told my soul that his name doesn't deserve to live here?

I saw him sit down behind me without trying to make any conversation. Maybe he didn't realise it was me? Maybe it was better that way.

I let my surrounding sink in and finally turned my attention to the voice of the judge.

"After understanding all the circumstances, the evidence provided and finally the cases presented by the lawyers, the court has arrived at the decision that the accused, Mr. Harshad Saxena is guilty." the judge announced, while he took up another paper to read out the sentences.

I sensed a sudden gush of relief take over my body when I realised Manik had gotten up to leave. I looked behind me and saw him disappear after the door. Something seemed unsettling about that.

I looked back at the judge while he read the charges and found myself standing up and no sooner did I realise I was sprinting behind Manik. To stop him. To talk to him.

"Manik" I yelled his name again and again. He finally looked back at me after quite a while.

We were standing there at the parking lot, he was half a feet away from me. I tried catching a breath but every time my eyes caught his sight between the gasps I was panic stricken.

"Hi" he said in his deep husky voice.

"Manik....I" I said looking at him and took baby steps in his directions now.

"So....he's finally going to jail" he said , faking a half smile at me.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

"For what are..." but I cut him off in the middle.

I stood in front of him trying as hard as I could to hold my tears. My body wasn't under my control anymore. I held his hand, and caressed his skin with my fingers while I spoke,

"Please let me finish, today..." I said looking down at our hands and then back at him.

"I know I left, I know you told me that you loved me and I left like a coward. Manik...I was too afraid to be with you...it's been six months, but I still keep searching you in every stranger. Maybe someone has your hair, or your eyes or the way you smile. I tell my heart that just like these strangers, you're also now a stranger- the one I don't know anymore...but my heart screams at me....telling me it's a lie....You might think I'm stupid that I'm telling you this after all these months, and I don't even know if you feel the same way as I do ..."

I looked at his changing expressions. I didn't know if I should continue or rather swallow down my emotions when I felt his hand on mine.

" I don't discuss you to anyone anymore, I just don't know how to...I still see your face vividly in my dreams... you pass my mind like a gentle breeze; a breeze so subtle but strong enough to shake my world. When you left , my broken heart had promised it'll never pray for you again, but I guess when a soul tries to love a soul, prayers from the heart are inevitable....honestly, I didn't want to come today and Cabir said it maybe the last time I'd see you and I had made up my mind that I didn't care ...but here I am...." he said and took another step in my direction, nullifying the distance between us. I could sense the tears rolling down my cheeks. This is it, this was the moment I was waiting for.

"I love you Manik" I said.

"I love you too Nandini" he said and pulled me into a hug.

I believe I was sobbing and shaking. But believe me, his warmth around me, felt like home. A home I never thought was meant for me.
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Present date.
Airport.

I see him pushing the trolley and advancing towards me. He pecked my cheeks before he loaded the luggage.

"Let's do this Mrs Nandini Malhotra" he said and I couldn't help but blush at the thought of it.

"I love you" I said.

"Not more than I do...now come on, we'll be late" he said with clear rejoice in his voice.

I couldn't help but embrace the warmth I've received. And I'd like to believe I have reciprocated with the same.

Love isn't only about expectations, but also acceptance.

I look at him and I'm in love again and again and again...

The end.