Not Romeo and Juliet

chapter 20 : killed (part 2)

Nathan draws in a sharp breath at the sight of her familiar face.

"I was a spy. But not just for the FBI. My father was one of the heads of Mezdurs, and he forced me to work for him ever since I set foot in Elias's base. He was threatening my little brother and I had absolutely no other choice. I'm so sorry Juliet, but I was the one who gave your files to Hal, and I was the one who opened the door. I was also the one who told Ash's stepfather the best time to catch Peril. But I always tried to give you an out. I didn't tell Ash's stepfather you were a part of Peril too. I made sure Blake had the information Ash needed to save you so he would send it to Ash."

Tears fill her eyes at this point. "There is nothing I can say that will make my betrayal better, especially not when I did it to someone I call my sister. But Juliet, please forgive me."

"It all changed after my baby was born, because Nathan, you and our little daughter are more important to me than anything ever will be. Even death can't change that."

She stops, as if thinking to herself.

"Not to me, anyway. But after knowing what I have done, you will hate me. As I was saying, the first thing I did after I got home from the hospital was to tell my father that I was done because I had a family of my own. Of course he didn't believe me at first." She laughs bitterly.

"He didn't believe that I had the guts to do that. But after I didn't give him the things he needed, he did believe me. And he promised to kill me himself."

Oh my God.

"And Mezdurs always keeps their promises." She smiles as she says it. Even though she didn't want us to find out, she is happy that finally she is free of those lies.

"Why am I telling this to you now? Because I didn't want you involved. Because even after all the things I have done, there is a chance that you'd want to take my revenge. Because you're good. And I wasn't. Not completely. That's why I can tell you that my father, who was my killer, is probably dead as well. He promised to kill himself after he killed me."

My fingernails cut through my skin as I press them against my palm.

"And Mezdurs always keep their promises," she repeats. The screen goes black as the video ends. I look at Nathan as he stares at the black screen. His eyes send shudders down my spine

Lily wasn't the only one who died today.

"You are Angel's godmother." Nathan says without looking up. "Will you raise her as your own daughter?" His voice betrays no emotions.

"Yes," I manage to blurt out.

"Then I'm going. I don't know if I will ever come back."

Sunlight pours in from the window. Streams of dawn illuminate his golden hair.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I am no good to anyone."

The same light casts shadows on his face, showing the dark circles around his eyes.

"Not after this. Not even to myself."

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the library filled with the sound of screaming. the road to London, silver in the moonlight. the words that had gone through his head, over and over, as he walked away from everything he had ever know, forever. I have lost everything. lost everything.

everything.

-clockwork angel, Cassandra Clare

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I am so sorry Nathan, you lost everything. : ( I am so sorry that you only fell in love once in your life and you lost her. i cried writing this chapter. and also the next. next part will be a letter and it's my second favorite letter. share and vote and follow if you felt sad for Nathan, share more if you cried for him.

love, always.

~Ani