The CEO's Secret✔️

iv: H E S I T A T I O N

August 2018

H E S I T A T I O N.

Katie looked at her watch for what felt like the millionth time that morning, still deciding if what she was about to do was the best decision possible- for herself of course, not for Colin. She needed to think about herself, she had said that the day she said goodbye to him five years ago and it was still something she found difficult to do at times. Had she only agreed to meet with Colin because she knew it was what was best for him? Or did she genuinely want to see him again too? She was confused because she didn't know which of the two was correct.

She had convinced herself after a couple of quiet moments spent alone in her apartment that she was going for coffee that morning for both herself and Colin. Closure was the reason that seemed to fit best in her mind, although her heart had a problem with that. Closure meant this was all going to come to an end, closure meant saying goodbye for good and Katie didn't know if she wanted that or not.

Letting go of Colin would be the most challenging thing she would ever have to do, it was something she needed to be completely sure about before doing and she was lacking any sort of certainty. Colin being clean could completely change their relationship, it could be the reason their exchanges would be different from the past, but Katie had to forgive and let him in again if she wanted any sort of close contact with him again after today-which was also something she didn't know if she wanted or not.

Colin found her very convincing the other day, judging from her attitude, tone and demeanour, this would be the last time he would ever be talking to her again. And although it was a sad day for him, he still had that glimmer of hope left inside. It wasn't as strong as the other day when Katie agreed to meet up with him, in fact, it was almost non-existent but still, a small bit of optimism lingered in his brain. He hoped he could get her back, but the chances were very slim. Even that realisation, that he may be setting himself up for rejection and failure, didn't seem to faze him.

She was a bundle of nerves as she good ready for the day ahead of her, which she knew would not be a walk in the park and surely would take a toll on her emotions. As Katie looked in the mirror at her appearance, she noticed the wrinkles forming around her eyes, her aging face was as it used to be except for some minor changes that she zoned in on all too often. Her hands were shaky as she put on her makeup, noticing how close to the time of her meeting it was becoming.

Katie had never felt so torn in two before in her life, not even when she was deciding whether to leave Colin and go out into the world on her own five years ago. She felt weak, she felt alone and she felt like she needed someone to just make the decision for her. Could she ever forgive him? Or would she rather live her life keeping him as a distant memory, one she would never forget, one she clung on to many nights she spent alone wondering why every other relationship after Colin had never worked out. One she also tried to push away when she tried to move on from him.

Going to see him that day would either be eye-opening or would be a tragic goodbye- she wanted to wait and see which of the two would come of their discussion but also, Katie felt like not even turning up at all. She needed to make up her mind, she had little time left and the clock was ticking. Would she stay or would she go?

It took every bit of courage left inside Katie to calm herself, take a deep and grab her bag. She needed answers from him, she needed to hear about how his life was going since she left, she needed to see him again. There could be no denying this and so, she followed her heart and ignored her head.