The CEO's Secret✔️

33: Em's Wedding

       

December 2012

C H A P T E R    T H I R T Y    T H R E E

E M ' S    W E D D I N G

Katie snuggled closer into Colin as they sat on one of benches outside in the courtyard of the hotel. They were waiting for Emily and Jeremy to arrive, along with all the other guests but decided to come outside for some air. He felt her shiver next to him and put his arm around her shoulder to bring her closer. There was a light sprinkle of snow on the ground, the trees were bare but the day was calm and cool.

"C'mon, maybe we should go back inside now." She said, but he was distracted by the plushness of her fur coat.

She shrugged gently out of his grip and stood up, taking his hand and pulling him up to stand next to her. She linked his arm and they both walked back inside. She noticed he had been distracted all morning, distracted the past couple of weeks again and she was too afraid to ask why. There had been a pattern with Colin that she had picked up on by then from all the time she had shared with him over the last few years, especially since their relationship had started. There were many obstacles he needed to get through, and she had been there every step of the way. She was afraid to ask what had been bothering him because she already knew the answer, because with those many obstacles faced, there were more slip ups.

They sat at their seats arranged for them for dinner a while later but Katie still had worry and doubt weighing her down. She smiled as she watched a charismatic Colin chat with everyone around the table but when they all shared laughter she did not laugh, and when they all became deeply engrossed in conversation she did not open her mouth. Katie played with her cutlery, half listening to everyone around the table while thoughts and memories crept back up on her.

Katie remembered returning home after her trip back to Detroit, she remembered finding Colin and his apartment in a state. He was crying and so was she, the feeling of wrapping her arms tightly around him as if to protect him from any harm that he had or would inflict on himself from slipping back into old patterns was a feeling Katie could never escape. Not that time he slipped up or the time after that a couple weeks later or even the time after that when he promised he would never do it again. Promises were always full of hope and determination, full of love and appreciation for Katie and everything he had done for her but promises were always broken and all the optimism and hope deteriorated as time passed.

As dinner was laid out in front of them, each course only brought back more memories and heighted Colin's obliviousness to what his girlfriend was experiencing right next to him. Katie had begun to wonder if it was her or if it was him. She wanted to blame Colin but she knew so much about him, he told her so much and opened up his chest so many times to rip his heart out and show her what was the problem. The problems that only Katie could see, that only Katie could understand. She had gotten to a stage where she felt she knew Colin more than he knew himself- she had never been that closely connected with someone before in her life. And as much as the feeling was uplifting and joyful on the good days when it heightened her love even more for Colin, it did nothing but destroy her on the bad days, because it was that connection that made her stay every time and it was that connection that she was clinging on to every time he broke their trust and went back to the addictions he promised he would never go back to.

Maybe she was too lenient with him? Maybe she loved him too much? Maybe she needed to remove herself in order for him to get better? Maybe if she did she would lose him and never get him back? A million more maybes flooded her thoughts that she could not shake away. She wondered if leaving him would push him to get better on his own or if it would only tear him apart even more? Katie thought deeply about what it would be like to not have him around and it only made her grip onto him tighter as they danced slowly on the dancefloor after their dinner. She rested her head on his should as he swung from side to side gently. She felt like his slip ups and let downs could equate to infinity and even then she would still love him more than that, she would still be there every time he got the help he needed or went back to rehab or tired again starting fresh. That thought was scary- loving someone unconditionally that had a huge habit of letting you down.