He's back // Negan x Reader

Chaper 21 // Oh

I was lying on my bed, staring towards the ceiling. I sighed and thought, 'tomorrow I'm going to the Hilltop, and I don't even know how to act... especially since Mike is there now" I put my hands to my head. I slowly sat up, and swung my legs over the bed. I decided that it was probably best to get myself sorted and ask what Negan thought about it since he was the main guy; and it was pretty much about him.

I stood up, straightened myself up and walked out of my room. It wasn't exactly the brightest moment of the afternoon, so I had no idea if he was sleeping; or even in his room. I made my way to his door and and knocked. There wasn't exactly a reply, but I noticed the door was open. "Negan," I started, as I moved the door a bit so I could stick my head inside, "I need to talk to you abou-"

It felt although he'd just shattered my entire world; again. I stood up straight, as he turned around to me. "Sorry, you- um- ... you're busy- I-m sorry" I clenched my jaw and tensed up, then walked away quickly. But it didn't stop me from imagining what I saw. Over and over again, the same thing, the same reaction. He had one of his wives on his bed. He held her hands and hers were on his waist. He was standing, but was leaning over to kiss her.

I know I told him to keep them, but I would have expected him to have been more thoughtful now. As I turned to run down the stairs, I heard him yell my name. I kept going. I didn't think anything could get worse, yet it did. It felt like the whole Lucille thing all over again. Except this time, I had no where different to run to.

I ran into my room, locked the door and leant against it. I swallowed hard, as my jaw got tighter. Eventually I slid down the door and cried. You think someone changes, and yet they don't. I felt goosebumps all over my body as I hugged my knees and cried.

Nevermind worrying about how to act, I didn't even want to go anymore. I didn't want to sit in a vehicle with him, go on a journey with him, talk to him, I didnt even want to be in the same building with him and yet I was. Because I had no other choice.

Time Skip

Earlier I had woken up on the floor, with died tears on my face. I had washed them off, when I used the bathroom, and changed my clothes. Today was going to be a bad day. I didn't want to go, heck I didn't even want to get off the floor this morning, but I had to.

I heard a knock at my door, I sighed and got off my bed to open it. I felt so relieved to see Sam there. "You're even later than the day before, come on-" his smile disappeared, "Y/N... are you okay? You're eyes are all red and... they look kind of swollen" I nodded. "I hit my foot on my bed leg, pretty hard, so I cried like a 5 year old" I laughed awkwardly. He nodded, still concerned. While we were walking down the stairs, I almost tripped so he put his arm around me for support. "You alright?" He asked and I nodded.

When we made it to the hall, he was already finishing up his speech. I couldn't look at him, I was overflowing with different emotions. Anger, saddness, regret, hate. But we were already heading for our vehicles.

I kept my head to the side and got in without a word. I sat as far away from his seat as I could. A moment later, he got in and I felt him stare at me as I looked out of the window.

"Y/N, Let me explain please, it wasn't what you thought," He said as he started driving. I ignored him. "Y/N, seriously, she came on to me," he sighed, "I didn't do anything, why do you think the door was open?" I didn't respond. "She just walked in as I opened the door, sat down and tried to kiss me, Y/N, I was trying to get her hands off me- for fucks sake! Why won't you listen to me damn it!" He yelled towards the end, hitting the steering wheel. I clenched my jaw, trying not to cry after he'd just put it into my mind again; after I tried to forget the details. I awkwardly brang my knees up and hugged them, leaning my head on them as I looked outside.

"Y/N! You know I wouldn't do that to you-!" "But you already have, and once before" I snapped back in rage. I held on to the door handle tightly and swung my head to face him. "What?" He screamed. "I don't care whether you were being nice to Lucille, Negan, it still counts and I fucking walked in on you! How can you just say that?" My voice broke at the end of me yelling at me. I fought back the tears, and they didn't show.

"The girl had cancer Y/N-!" "And you loved her! No one names anything after someone they don't love! It makes no fucking sense!" I screamed. "It does when she asked me to!" He yelled. "Because she just came back to life and asked you to name it after her? Fucking okay!" "I've had this bat from when she was alive Y/N! Don't you start now! She asked me to, she was dying, in hospital when she did!" "And that makes it okay for you to have done the entire thing again? Just go kiss your fucking wife, who cares? Not me, totally!" I said between my teeth. "She fucking came on to me! How many times do I have to say it?! I know better than to do that you know! I might be a cunt but I've never cheated!" "You just did! You just fucking did though!" "Our lips didn't even touch!" He yelled. A tear rolled down my cheek, "Sure"

His face softened, the look of guilt on his face. He sighed, "I'm sorry for yelling, I just- Y/N, It really wasn't me!" "Negan, they're your wives, they're too scared to do it to you" I faced the other way. "She's not even my wife anymore- After yesterday, you coming in, stopped her- and- she- well, I told her. I told her to get lost, that she wasn't a wife anymore" I didn't respond. I wiped my eyes and neither of us spoke.