Nightmares (A Shizaya Fanfic)

Nightmares

It's raining again. I sit at my window and stare at the raindrops that had just started to fall. It's been raining all week. I guess mother nature is accomodating to my mood recently. I've started to care less and less about myself, realizing how shitty my life actually was. My humans, who scurry about outside trying to find shelter from the rain, have even ceased to amuse me. I've lost a few pounds, due to the fact I've also lost interest in eating. Though, most of all, I haven't left the house in a week. Not even to agrivate my favorite blonde monster in Ikebukuro.

I sighed. Why did it have to be like this? I look down at my hands, believing that an answer would be there. The rain had picked up, and now the subtle raindrops from before, became water pooling from the sky, drenching the whole city. I got up and grabbed my jacket. Maybe I should take a walk. None of the humans will be outside in this kind of weather, so I guess this is as good a chance as ever.

I pull my hood over my head, and walk down the stairs and out of the lobby of my apartment building. I start to walk, not caring where my feet take me. I just need to think. I need to be alone and gather my thoughts. I close my eyes, feeling my breathing pick up a little. "Not now Izaya. Don't bring yourself to a panic. Nobody can save you here," I think to myself. I try to sooth my breathing, getting it to a slower pace. I open my eyes and stumble. Vertigo. I grab onto the nearest wall, until the buildings stop spinning.

I slowly start to walk again, not caring where I am. Suddenly I hear a voice all too familiar call out to me. "Oi, Flea, what did I tell you about setting foot in Ikebukuro?"

Ikebukuro? I had just started walking. Had that small moment of panic passed so much distance in so little time? I ignored Shizuo, and kept on walking. Just when I wanted to be alone. I shoved my hands into my pockets, hoping Shizuo wasn't following me, but to my dismay, an arm forced me to face the blonde monster.

"Didn't you hear me Fle-" Shizuo stopped talking, a look of surprise washing over his face. The rain beat down on us. I was pretty much soaked through my underpants. The raindrops had started to feel like ice cold needles prickling my skin.

"Izaya, why do you look so pail, and not to mention miserable?" Shizuo asked. If he wasn't my enemy, I would've thought that question was laced with concern, but he wouldn't be concerened for a bastard like me. He hated me, and so did everyone else. I pulled my arm away from his grasp, and turned away from him. My movement was so quick, I felt the vertigo begin to come back. I put my hands on either side of my head, trying to make it go away. I started to panic. If Shizuo sensed my weakness, he could kill me. Right here. Right now.

My knees buckle and I feel a strong pair of arms embrace me. Shizuo? Air. I need air. I try breathing in, but there seems to be no oxygen in Ikebukuro. I can feel my heart thumping rapidly. I start to kick, and I try to scream, but no air is getting into my lungs, and I cannot summon my voice. Shizuo holds me tighter.

"Izaya! It's okay. Breathe!" Shizuo yells at me. It sounds like he's so far away, despite him being so close. I can't move. Even worse than the absence of air in my lungs, I start choking on what little air is trying to make it's way back into my body. Shizuo takes my face in his hands.

"Fuck! Breathe dammit, breathe!" My vision is blurring, but I can make out a grim expression on Shizuo's face. Is that worry? No, it couldn't be. Could it? Did the monster actually posses a feeling other that hate and malice? Air begins to flood into my lungs again. I cough, feeling like I had just been saved from drowning.

Shizuo holds me close, realizing my condition is getting better. Pain shoots through my head. Fuck. Not another migrain. I groan as the pain intensifies. Shizuo pulls my body so I'm facing him. He must've thought he was the source of the pain.

I muster all of strength to relay an order to Shizuo, "Carry. . . home . . ," I managed to get out one third of what I had intended, but he got the idea nonetheless. He picked me up effortlessly, and started to walk in the direction of my apartment complex.

With his worried speed walking, we made it to my apartment in little time. I pointed at my left pocket, knowing I would be too weak to handle my keys. Understanding me, Shizuo pulled the keys out of my pocket, and walked me up to my room. Of course he knew where it was, because on multiple occasions he had come to give me a very unpleasent visit.

He walked over to my bathroom and set me into the bathtub, so I wouldn't drench the floor. I was shaking voilently by now. Why was my life so pathetic? Is this my repentence for all the years I'd decided to be a douche bag to everyone- living a life nothing short of hell? Actually, scratch that thought. Hell might even be better than this life.

"Izaya, I'm going to get you some dry clothes. Okay?" Shizuo said quietly, afraid that the smallest thing could send me spiraling back into panic. I nodded, and started to shakily shed my clothes into the interior of my bathtub. Soon I was completely naked, my legs pulled tightly across my chest.

Shizuo returned with a stack of clothes, and layed them down on the counter. As soon as he was in, he was out, giving me privacy to change. I felt a small bit of strength returning with every article of clothing I put on my body. when I was fully dressed, I had adequately more strength than before.

I walked out of the bathroom, and found Shizuo on my couch shirtless, in a pair of my shorts. Normally, I would've whipped out my pocket knife and put it to his throat. Today was different. I couldn't feel an ounce of hate towards Shizuo. I don't think I even wanted to hate him. He had saved me today. If it wasn't for him, I'd be curled up on the streets on Ikebukuro wet, cold, and alone.

Shizuo spotted me from across the room, and he got up and slipped his partly dry white shirt on. He buttoned up the buttons, and walked toward the door. "Sorry if I bothered you today Flea. I'll be going now," He started to walk out when something came over me.

"Stay with me," I choked out. My voice was raspy, due to the lack of food and water I had consumed in more than 2 days. He turned around and shot me a confused look.

"Why do you want me to stay with you? Aren't we enemies?" Shizuo asked. What would my answer be? Should I tell him about the nightmares, panic attacks, vertigo, anorexia, depression, and fear? I would have to. If I really wanted him to stay, I'd have to.

"I-I'm scared to be alone. I've bee having nightmares and panic attacks. Vertigo and anorexia. My thoughts have led me into depression, and constant fear. I don't know what to do anymore. I need you Shizuo. I don't want you to leave me," I was surprised at my blatent honesty. I didn't hate Shizuo. I never did. I just liked to screw around with him, but now I really needed him. I just hoped he could find it in his heart to forgive me.

I am afraid that my well being depends on his decision.