Today || Lams

thirteen

a/n- i made the art for this chapter i was bored lol

tw- mentions of self harm and suicide

eliza~

"alex..." i whispered. "yes?"

"do you love me?"

alex leaned in to kiss me.

he loves me.

i love him too.

i kissed back.

john saw us.

"i thought you loved me, alex."

"i lied."

john ran away, shaking and crying.

i don't care.

i have you.

"let me be a part of your narrative."

i have you. i have you. i have you. i have you.

the words echoed in my head.

you love me.

then i woke up.

i looked around.

you weren't in my dorm.

i peeked into your dorm.

you were sleeping with john. i know what you're thinking ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"alex?" i whispered.

when john saw me his face went pale.

"fuck off."

"but, we just kissed and everything and john ran away crying and..."

"it's 3 in the morning, you woke me up for that?"

"so it was a dream?"

"yes. for the last time, i'm. with. john."

i ran back to my dorm.

i have you. i have you. i have you. i have you.

i don't have you.

crying softly, i picked up the razor.

when you wrote me letters, i had something to live for.

when you loved me, i had something to live for.

now i have nothing.

i pushed the razor against my skin and made a line.

it hurt.

i didn't care.

i kept doing it until my wrists were dripping blood.

i have nothing.

i picked up a pen and paper.

i felt dizzy.

i wrote the words "i love you, i'm so sor"

then everything went black.

the note was stained with my blood.

angelica must've heard, because she opened the door, screaming at the sight on the ground.