The Fate of my Soul.

Part 11

Immediately my disciples assail me with questions and demands that I explain myself, while at the same time, I am stunned to see her so soon.  I had thought she might stay with The Crown Prince for at least a day or two more, but going by the look she is giving me, I can see the meeting did not go as well as it could have.  The desire and longing in her eyes is evident, and as much as I try to pull back my own rising desire, I cannot, her loveliness is breathtaking.  

Slowly, she makes her way towards me, and I once again feel my heart react painfully, though with the extra boost of energy, I can pull it back more easily, but her own pain does not escape my notice, and nor does Die Feng miss it, his hand automatically raised to steady her as her face flinches momentarily, but she smiles at him and stops in her approach to merely hang her head as she allows the pain to pass.

It is Die Feng who immediately quietens his juniors before approaching me with a questioning look.  Nodding that I understand his silent question, I order all of my disciples to take their places, which they do, including Bai Qian, who only causes more startled murmurings which I instantly silence with a wave of my hand.  Then moving forward, I take my place at the seating on the platform above them.

Motioning Bai Qian forward, I give her the order to address her seniors, which she does.  Slowly and painfully, she explains her attendance as their junior under disguise as a boy for 20,000 years and the events that led to my body going missing for 70,000 years which instantly raises demands as to why she chose to take my body to Qing Qiu when she was a wild fox belonging to Zhe Yan, and why she hid from them for so long with my body.   Though she mentions her desire to keep my body pristine, she does not mention the heart blood, and nor will she elaborate on how my body was kept in good form, which only increases the pressure on her to give answers.

Completely ignoring their pleas,  she then gives her true identity that has her Disciples instantly standing in horror.  "You are Qing Qius Queen?"  Die Feng asks her in shock, immediately realizing why I had taken her in and why the secrecy around her disguise.

Looking back at me for assistance, I merely smile at her. What can I say to assist her, when I don't have the answers myself?  This time, she will have to face this dilemma on her own and as she speaks I feel the pull of her heart, that raw desire that she fully unmasks as she speaks of the long lonely years without me and her disciple brothers. Her anguish at not being there for their milestones, their marriages, their losses and their triumphs, which she had heard about through her brother Bai Zhen and her niece Feng Jiu.

And as she is talking, I once more hear her voice calling me from the darkness, her constant chatter, her crying, her soft singing, that voice that begged, that pleaded, that voice that lulled me back.  What I would do for my memories at that moment,  to heal her pain, to take her tears that are now flowing softly upon her cheeks as her seniors listened in sadness and anger, unsure of what to say.  

I too am becoming overwhelmed with the feelings of a deep sadness for her loss of life that she gave up for my sake.   Everything she had done after my passing was for me, and there was nothing I could do to repay her kindness, her devotion, her unselfish desire to protect me, except to free her from her misery that I had caused through my own desire to protect her and the responsibility of a War Gods duty to save everyone else.

Once more I am ripped from my wandering thoughts as she turns to face me.  The tears have ceased, but her shoulders are shaking slightly as her seniors intensify the pressure to produce answers that continue to assail her.  Her eyes are pleading for a reprieve from their barrage of questions that come one after the other in a continuous flow of brusque insistence that she is no longer the Little Seventeenth that could gain favor with her widening doe eyes and childish pouting.