Saudade

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Scarlett's POV

The instant his name falls from my lips, it was like an instant replay of all of our memories come flooding back to haunt me. Including that fateful day. In that moment, I forget about the reason why I am here.

We stare at each other, neither of us daring to break the silence. I look him over. He still has the lean body he's always had, just a little bit tanner, though. That and his muscles are bigger. He still has the strong jawline, gorgeous light brown hair, and piercing blue eyes. It takes everything in me to not stroke his face. All I wanted to do at that moment was to run into his arms, tell him "I'm sorry", tell him the truth, and then beg him to take me back.

Then, reality hits me. That can't happen. Not now. Not ever. "Matt," I repeat.

He looks at me as if I will vanish at any second. Shaking his head, as if to wake him from whatever trance he's in, "Scarlett, what are you doing here?"

"Uh." What was I doing here? Oh yeah! "I received and email about my daughter falling off and getting hurt."

His face visibly pales. "Georgia is your daughter?"

I gulp, "Yes, she is. Is she okay?"

He looks as if he is contemplating something important. "Yes, she is. I just needed something that would get you out to the barn as quick as possible. There are a few things concerning Georgia that I would like to discuss with you."

Confused, I simply say, "Okay."

"Follow me."

He leads me down the aisle way, I can hear the whispers of some of the riders. The older ones look at me with envy.

Why are they envious...oh...OH! Oh dear god, please don't tell me he's one of those trainers. The ones that let their students sleep with them so they can get to the top. Please tell me he hasn't turned into that.

I close the door behind us. He sits down in the chair behind a large wooden desk, I sit opposite of him. A tense silence fills the air.

Feeling uncomfortable, my eyes shift across the room, looking at his decor. Most of it are pictures hanging on the wall from shows. Most of the pictures are ones that I took of him. I squint my eyes when I notice something familiar on his shelf, pushed in the far back corner. It was the picture of us, I was on top of Snoozer, just about to go into my class, when Matt ran over to wish me good luck. The picture captured me on Snoozer, bending down to give Matt a kiss.

We looked happy. We were happy. That was one of the best shows and days of my life. Now it's gone.

I blink back a tear that was threatening to fall and look back towards Matt. "So what is it that you wish to discuss?"

He takes a sharp inhale of breath. "Georgia mentioned something to me earlier, while she was tacking up Archie. It seems to be bothering her, and quite frankly it's bothering me, too. She mentioned that your boyfriend hits you and calls you names."

I close my eyes and inwardly groan. She wasn't supposed to hear or see that. How do I get myself out of this situation?

"It's not what it looks like," I say, maybe a little too quickly.

He looks at me skeptically. "Really? It's not what it looks like? To me it looks like-and remember I know you almost better than you know yourself-it looks like you're tired, and afraid. It als-Scarlett! Is that a bruise?" he point to my collarbone.

Shit.

I meant to cover that up before I left. "No, no. My job works long hours, that's why I look tired. I look afraid because I'm exhausted, I haven't had a day off in months." Lie. "The bruise, I fell out of bed the other morning and hit the night table."

He shakes his head. "Scarlett, those are lies and you know it. You are not that clumsy of a person. And so are you saying Georgia is a liar?"

Inwardly, I groan again. "No, what she saw was correct. Nate came home drunk one night and he had seen a guy talking to me and things just got out of hand. He apologized right after it." Another lie. "Look, everything is fine and under control. Don't worry about me," the last sentence comes out as a whisper.

The room fills up with silence, once again. Who knew that silence could be so suffocating. In this silent period, I take the time to look at his face again. Subconsciously, I try to memorize all the contours of his face. The way his eyes crinkle when he speaks. The way his hair falls 'just so'. The way he drums his fingers on the desk when he's thinking.

Snap out of it! You're marrying Nate, not Matt. It's too late for you and Matt.

I stand up before I let myself do anything stupid, like tell him the truth. "There is nothing to worry about. Georgia and I are fine."

He just continues to stare at me. Seeing as I wasn't going to get anything out of him, I turn and head to the door.

Just as I open the door, his voice stops me. "Is she-is she mine?"

I freeze. What do I say? I hadn't been expecting this.

With time not on my side, I answer.

"No, she's not."