No regrets H.S [ Fanfiction ]

Was I selfish?

Harry's POV

I walked around from my kitchen to my bedroom maybe twenty or thirty times. I was so horrible to her. I got anxiety, a bad one. I just wanted to sit down but at the same time I wanted to run around and scream as much the pain both in my head as in my heart.
I am selfish, I truly am. I stare in to the bathroom mirror, cause I was standing in the bathroom at the moment. I saw myself, as the dying monster that tried to help a soul who had been broken before. And I caused it to broke one more time.

I breathed heavy, like the air was made of something else than oxygen. Like my body got weaker after every breath I take. And I thought that I was going to die. I couldn't breath.
I smashed the mirror right front of me. Blood was slowly pouring from my hand. But I couldn't for a second feel the pain. For me it didn't matter anymore if I died, I've ruined everything.

I didn't know what really happened to me, was this how my life would going to end like? I truly miserable and sat down on the cold wooden floor.
The pain from my hand ached a little. It made me a little dizzy. Not because of my hand of course, it's because I haven't done anything to my sickness, my disease. And it was slow coming back at me.
I had to lay down, otherwise I was feeling more and more dizzy. As I was lying on the floor. I heard a knock on a window. I couldn't move but I definitely heard it. And short after I heard it again. And some kind of pain started to grow inside of my chest.

I fall into some kind of sleep or I just faded. But I woken up by some running steps.
"Harry?" A voice I knew very well, it was Clair. And it had never sounded so beautiful as now. It was like a dream.
"Hello?" She asked again, and it felt like I was falling away from her. Like I sunk into the floor and was falling down. Her voice was echoing inside my head. I could hear my name along with her hello.
Then I found back to reality, I couldn't really open my eyes. So I had to say that I've been waiting to tell her.

"Clair I , I-I'm sorry." My voice was so weak it was shaking and I did my best to focus on her. Like I needed to see her. I needed to se her beautiful face.
"I love-, you." I looked into her eyes. And I couldn't help myself to think that I could ever hurt her. I teared up a little and she looked sweetly into my eyes. But the fact that I still couldn't stop felling dizzy couldn't I escape from.

"Harry, stay with me." Clair's voice felt like it was coming far, far away. I nodded and opened my eyes again. She kissed me in my forehead before I could even realise it.
"What happened?" Clair asked and I closed my heavy eyes again. "Harry?" She asked and shake me a little. I tried to tell her, the only thing I wanted to tell her since the beginning. She needed to hear it.
"I'm very sick Clary." She looked confused at me. Like she quite didn't understand. But smiled towards me.
"Shh, you will be fine. I'll take care of you Harry." She hushed me as I tried to respond on her answer.

The ambulance came shortly and she mange to hold me awake didn't fall asleep. One of the them carried me in to the ambulance.
"So Mr Styles when did you take your cure the last time." She asked and checked my journal.  "It's been a while since." She looked at me. "You know you have to take it, otherwise.." I nodded, already knowing the answer. "Think of it, is it for you or her?" She looked at my blood pressure. "She seemed pretty scared, haven't you told her yet about your condition?"
I looked down, I shook my head. "No I haven't, I couldn't." She laid her hand on my shoulder. "It's fine." Maybe she was right, Clair has to know.