Oh, Calamity (Alex Gaskarth/ ATL fan-fic)

Just the Way I'm Not

Marina's POV:

"Rina smiles like Rina doesn't care." I watched.

Those words echoed in my head. I. Fucking. Cared. I had always cared more than anyone. More than him. I compromised everything I had, which is more than he could ever say. I took his too-heavy world and put it on my shoulders. How does he repay me? By publicly saying that I never cared.

I. Cared.

But now, I didn't anymore. I never thought he would call me out. How the hell was I even supposed to defend myself? I'd gotten tweet after tweet of hate mail. "Oh my god, Marina. What did you even do to that poor boy?" or "what the hell is wrong with you?". How could he?

The door to the back lounge opened. Jason stuck his head through. "Hey, Marina, are you alright in there?"

I wiped away my tears and shook my head. He rushed in and pulled me into his embrace. I cried into his chest. I didn't love Jason. I just loved what he did to me. How he became a replacement rock. I obviously couldn't rely on Alex ever again. I was feeding off of Jason as if he were the only food I had. I was the hunter, and he was merely my prey. I felt bad, but I couldn't stop. I wasn't ever going to be able to get through summer without him. I feared I'd try to kill myself again.

"I saw what happened." He whispered. "Rina, I-"

"Please don't ever call me Rina again."

"I love you." He finished himself. "Marina, I love you."

"I love you too." I lied.

"I just wanna be around you all the time. You are my muse. I wanted to be a man of love and because of you, I finally am. I can't believe anything would ever try to hurt something as perfectly delicate as you. You're like a porcelain doll."

"I'm a robot." I laughed a little and wiped my eyes. "I'm a fucking robot! I'm not a doll. I do what I'm told and slowly destruct myself and everyone around me."

"You're not destroying me."

If only he could see. But he was too valuable. For my own selfishness, I couldn't tell him. I stayed silent.

"You just need to cool off. It's okay, baby." He nuzzled  the side of my head with his cheek.

"That tickles." I giggled. "I love your beard."

"I love your smile." He grinned, his eyes shining with sincerity. I wished mine were like that. I wanted so badly to love him, I just couldn't.

"Every time I smile, it's because of you." I could say with most honesty. Him, and the memories. "And your beard."

"Will you be my date to Warped prom?" He asked.

"Of course." I kissed him. "You are my boyfriend."

"Yes!" He shouted. "I got the title!"

"You always had it. You just never asked. I've been telling people that you're my boyfriend for weeks." I brought my voice to a whisper. "Besides, I'm not a slut. I wouldn't sleep with you unless you were my boyfriend."

"Then why did you sleep with Mikey Clifford that one time?" He asked.

Oh yes. That summer, Mikey was a virgin, and I was tired of people making fun of him. So I slept with him. It only happened once. "Oh please, that was just a favor to a friend."

"That was actually really nice of you." He tightened his grip on me.

"He wasn't that bad." I shrugged, thinking back to the memory.

"No! You're mine!" Jason threw me over his shoulder.

I giggled. "AH! Put me down! Your beard is tickling my stomach!"