Oh, Calamity (Alex Gaskarth/ ATL fan-fic)

Return the Favor

Holy fucking shit! Another perfect title! I swear I mapped out the chapters and not the titles!

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Marina's POV:

I hit my head, and my eyes popped open. Thank god I was awake. It was another nightmare about war. This was the fourth one that had happened since I heard A Love Like War. Jason was asleep beside me, but I couldn't even look at him without scowling. In my nightmares, he was always the instagator.

I crawled out of my middle bunk, and left to be alone. I listened to the soft, consistent sound of Emily's snoring, along with a few fans and heavy breathing. I could hardly focus on anything but the wretched sound, and the booms of guns in my head.

"This.. This ends now." I grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil, then started jotting down a song. I titled the page. "Nightmares." I dated it. Then I began, humming a tune along.

"Somedays feels like today.
They're slipping away.
Your memory fades like the,
Beat of my heart.

"You smiled at me.
You made me believe,
It was obvious.
Just to remember this."

I paused. My days are passing me by with nothing to do but mope around and hate myself. It was imminent an inescapable. His memory was fading from my mind, just like my slowly dying heartbeat. He made me believe things would last forever, and it was obvious. But now, just remembering it sucked. I kept going.

"Pain tastes like your lips.
And the nightmares, the nightmares bring,
The reminince of this.
And the nightmares, the nightmares bring.

"You were all that I had,
But that's in the past.
And your name hurts just like the,
Nightmares, nightmares."

Oh, yes. He hurt. Every time I thought of the way we kissed, how our lips touched once so perfectly, almost like a puzzle, I ached. Who was I kidding, I ached all the time. Never did I have a moment of complete happiness, or a moment where he didn't grace my mind in circles. I threw up sometimes because I felt so sick of him. And so sick of living in a lie. I needed him back in my life, where his thought wouldn't just torture me.

"There's things that I'd say.
If there was only a way,
To accumulate thoughts without,
Just breaking down.

"The sound of your voice.
If only I had a choice.
I think I'd apologize,
For that look in my eyes."

Oh, he hated me now. He hated me because I degraded him. I hated him, too, although I had no reason too. Yet, I still cared about him. 

"Pain tastes like your lips.
And the nightmares, the nightmares bring,
The reminince of this.
And the nightmares, the nightmares bring.

"You were all that I had,
But that's in the past.
And your name hurts just like the,
Nightmares, nightmares."

More ideas came to me. I jotted them all down, to make a long bridge.

"And those words you said,
Well they hurt,
But the scars could be fixed.
(Just to remember this)."

He could say anything, even a small "Sorry", and as long as it was sincere, I'd forgive him. I'd forgive every last word because he was still my best friend, and that's what friends do. Forgive. No matter how awful.

"There's not a time of day,
When you don't,
Cross the thoughts in my mind.
(For that look in my eyes).

"And I'd fight it, I'd fight it, I'd fight it,
But there's no fighting,
What I'm hiding."

I was hiding my attempt. I could wear bracelets (as I did every day), or cover up with makeup, but the moment he saw me again, I knew he'd be able to tell. Well, at least if he was still as in touch with me as he used to. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, no matter how painful the stinging tears were. My vision was poor, and the more hysterical I got, the more the lyrics built.