Falling For Who?

Chapter 15: "Uterus For Rent"

1 month later...

It's been a month since Raymond ruined my wedding and Mike left me. It's also been a month since Grandma Penelope got married to Dylan. I don't know whether to call him grandpa, Dylan or step-grandpa... He's like 50 and Grandpa P is 68 so it's kinda weird... 

Grandma Penelope called me this morning saying that her and Dylan needed to tell me something. I swear, if she's pregnant, that'd just be gross... And how would that be possible? Maybe it's from the green tea she drinks? I swear she has a hidden fountain of youth in her backyard. I need some, cause even at 32, I look like I kept my head in a warm bath for 2 years. I'm a wrinkly potato! With how young she looks at 68, it's highly possible that she'd be preggers... Hmm... Would that mean that the green tea affects her uterus? Ooh! Cools!

Woah. That'd be weird... My auntie or uncle would be 33 years younger than me... Woah. I am now SHOOKETH.

DING DONGGGGGGGG. That's probably Grandma and step-grandpa?

"AHHHHHH HELLO MY PUMPKIN SUGAR SWEET CHEEKS BABY DOLL!!!!" she screamed and immediately enveloped me into a hug. A very tight one at that...

"G... G... Grand... ma... I can't... b... breathe..." I gasped.

"Oh sorry sweetie... I forgot that you weren't a stuffed penguin... You know, me and my memory nowadays..." I guess that green tea she drinks makes her stronger. That woman sure has a grip...

I gave Dylan a smile and he nodded back. You know, like those nods that say: "I'm acknowledging your presence in a laid back, cool kinda way without saying 'hello'." I turn back to my grandma and she's smiling very widely, like psychotic killer- widely.

"Um... grandma... why are you smiling at me like that? Just tell me what this major thing is?"

"Well, Hally, we think you should take a seat..." Dylan gestured towards the living room.

"Umm okay... You guys are scaring me..." I trailed whilst walking towards the grey L-shaped couch. We all sat down and there was an uncomfortable silence. It felt like the tension would just snap at any moment. That's when it hit me. "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT ARE YOU?!" I blurted out  my thought.

Oh god... Oh god... Oh god... Grandma Penelope can't be. I was literally joking when I was talking about it earlier... She can't be pregnant. That's just gross.

Another silence. They both had the same facial expression as before.

"I swear to God Grandma P, tell me!!" I was getting really impatient okay? They were making me worried.

"Okay, okay calm your penguin titties!!" She finally spoke.

"It's really not what you think..." Dylan trailed. Just shut up Dylan, you could've possibly somehow gotten my grandma pregnant it sounds a lot like what I think.

"I'm not exactly pregnant..." Phew. Wait... Exactly? What's exactly supposed to mean??

"Umm... Grandma, the key word is exactly, what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well... It's more like you're gonna be pregnant..."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I'm not with or have been with anyone at the moment..."

"No-" I interrupted her with my own rant.

"-And besides, how would you know that I'm pregnant? Do you have like a pregnant radar on that goes 'BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. I WANT PENGUINS! AND I CAN SENSE THE FETUS IN THIS SPECIMEN'S UTERUS'... Well... Knowing you, that's highly possible. But back to the topic, what in the name of camel genitalia are you talking about?!"

"Why camel genitalia of all things to say?" Dylan questioned looking completely and utterly bamboozled. I love that word. I could say it over and over again. Bamboozled. Bamboozled. Bamboozled. Bamboozled. Bamboozled. Okay. You get the point.

"What I was saying before you went on your never-ending word vomit, was that my schmoopkins and I want you to be our surrogate."

Oh hell nah. I did not see that coming... Plot twistttt.

"Wait... Wah?" I was gobsmacked. I love that word too. Gobsmacked. Gobsmacked. Gobsmacked. Smacked right in the gob. Whatever that means.

"We... Want... You... To... Be... Our... Surrogate..." Grandma spoke clearly and slowly.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny guys. You both got me, now cut the crap." I replied sarcastically.

"Firstly, how do you cut crap? Then again you could always just put scissors in the toilet then cut it, but that's besides my point. Secondly, there ain't no crap to cut hun. It's all the truth. Lastly, you can't fake laugh." Gotta leave it to Grandma to just push you back down to the ground with her petty remarks.

"Can I just remind you how many times I pushed a baby out of me? I hated being pregnant and I hated giving birth because it was the worst pain ever. Why me?" I whined

"We only chose you because you gave birth to so many kids. You have experience." Experience? I'm pretty sure a lot of other people have experience. Cue the dramatic eye roll. *dramatic eye rollll*

"Grandma, can't you just get someone else? It's just like you're making me babysit for 9 months. A whole 9 months! I mean, I don't have a sign that says 'Hey, I have a uterus for rent, feel free to stuff your baby in my womb!' I'm really honoured, truly, but I just... Uh I don't know! This is a lot to take in okay," I exclaimed in frustration. "this is like telling a child that they're adopted. Or... Or even worse... You tell them that they're a half shark half Yoda hybrid that was raised by humans because Yoda got eaten by his wife- the shark so it was dangerous for the poor child to be possibly raised by a shark." I have weird analogies, I know.

"Please just take this into consideration Hally." Dylan suggested.

"No." I'm a stubborn ass child, yes, that I know.

"Come on Hals." Grandma pleaded.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please?"

"No"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Pretty please with a cherry on top and extra sprinkles?"

"No."

"Ugh. You're hopeless." Grandma rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Yes. Tell me something I don't know."

"Ooh! I have another preposition..."

"Go on." Even though I knew I was still gonna say no, I was just curious as to what she would offer.

"I'll take you to a buffet."

You know what, screw the saying no thing. "Okay fine. I'll be your surrogate." You can't say no to a buffet. It's against the laws of humanity.

"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! AHHH WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY DYLAN!" my Grandma shrieked and jumped into Dylan's arms. Awwww they're so cute.

This is just the start of yet another chapter in Hally Virginia Maloney's life. Great... My life should really be in a book though... There's too many plot twists to handle... ;)

Hey guys! Omg I'm soooo sorry... I haven't updated in like 3 months and I'm sorry. I've been having problems with writing on wattpad and it kept deleting stuff. I've also been really busy with school business. Darn school!! Anyways, again, I'm sorry and I hope you enjoyed this chapter that I kind of rushed and a tad short so I apologise for that too... Just tryna get it out asap ya know? I promise I'll update more often because my exams are almost over yay!!! 🎶Is it too late to apologiseeee🎶 Umm... So yeah....