riverside

My new favorite drink is an Iced Pumpkin Spiced Chai Tea Latte

I want for them to miss me like I miss them.
Have you ever had that?
I have. It's terrible.
And before you think it's because I'm self centered you're a little off.
I am self centered.
But this isn't one of those times I'm being that way.
This time I just want to be appreciated.
Noticed?
I'm not really sure anymore.
Sometimes I wish I was still in high school.
But only sometimes.
I'm fucking a boy who is in high school and I wish I could be with him but I can't.
My best friend is in high school.
And I'm in college. Yay.
Well so far I'm 5 weeks in and I haven't made a single friendship I feel will last.
But I guess that's okay because I don't want to meet a world of people.
I want the ones I've already bared my soul to.
Do you think they ever think about the shit you've told them?
Well now they'll know forever.
I miss my friends.
I especially miss button.
I won't explain her story because well I don't know if she would want me to but I'll tell you I've known her since kindergarten.
We talk on occasion. Primarily because I never know if I'll have my phone taken away or not and I like to keep our conversations private and real.
She's my inspiration for a lot of things.
You'll hear me talking about button a lot if you stick with me here.
I've mentioned her already but I didn't give you a name because it wasn't effective yet.
Now I want to be personal and show her meaning.
I've thought about texting her or facetiming her out of the blue for 3 weeks now.
I'm not sure the last time I talked to her but I know when I call her she will be just as loving and happy to talk to me as she always is.
I really want to see her and reconnect with her.
Show her I have so much to offer as a friend now.
Because people say they care and then they don't.
Well I care about button so fucking much and I want to be there for her.
I think I've grown enough into myself that I can be a lifelong friend. I have that capacity that I didn't have back then.
My thoughts are everywhere per usual but let's face it :
You can understand and feel how I am just by how I'm writing this.
And I'm not sure if that makes me sad or maybe nervous.
But I feel vulnerable.
I'll be back with more vulnerability and hectic sessions of characters in a short period of time.
Know the difference between insecurity and confidence.
Always - Sofia.