You've Only Just Arrived (a Tom Hiddleston fan fiction)

Part 77

Previously in YOJA: Matt's stubbornness prevented you from staying in Spain to celebrate the holidays alone. London had always been the original plan, only two differences: a different man, a different family. But then when does life ever go according to plan? Then you run into Tom's family at a winter festival two days before Christmas. It certainly wasn't the encounter you were expecting. Contrary to what every fiber of your being tells you - they don't hate you. If only you could say the same for the ever silent Tom.

-----

The wind seems to have more bite after leaving the little shop, after leaving Diana's presence. It could as simple as the fact that you're walking the opposite direction, but... but you know that's not the whole of it. The goodbyes exchanged were bittersweet, laced with assurances that you would stay in touch with her, and she you - promises that you both knew would eventually be broken. Her loyalty to her son will win out. Time will also fade the bond, nearly maternal, that had been established between the pair of you, just as it had marred the one that had existed between you and Tom. But no, time wasn't to blame there. No, that was all you, ruined with a considerable measure of flair.

You shudder at a wave of internal disgust, pretending it to be just the result of the wind whipping at your layers of clothing. Tugging at the topmost wrappings of your scarf doesn't quite do what you'd hoped. Rather than providing more warmth for your throat it allows the wisps of cold air to reach further.

Why hadn't you gotten a to-go something to help hang on to the residual mood of the meeting with Diana? You could have grabbed a little coffee, or tea... You could still turn around, delay your return to Matt's family home, return to that little shop and find something to savor. Slowing your steps, you hold your arms closer to your body as you contemplate your next move.

Richard would have foreseen this moment. He'd already have you by the elbow, guiding you back around with a laugh and exaggerated, faux-impatient eyeroll. Hopefully he's enjoying being home for a little while, spending time with family that he hasn't seen in several weeks. You're more than familiar with the strain it puts upon one's soul when all you see of a loved one is their face, or hear their voice, via proxy. Digital renderings never do anyone justice.

Save, maybe, for Tom. Even catching a glimpse of him... You emit a short noise of discomfort at the dual emotions - pain and longing, both - and shiver again as another burst of cold air attempts to sweep you from the sidewalk. You sidestep to edge closer to the building in an attempt to block the wind as you fight your way through your stymie.

Nobody will be thankful if you return with a cold.

Thankful.

Right. That was Diana's driving point as the waited for you to pick your way through your pancakes. As difficult as it is at the moment, you need to stop focusing on everything that went wrong in your relationship with Tom and try to remember some of the things that went right.

Diana had hinted, heavily, that he would be free until it came time for rehearsals for the awards show at the end of January - free and in the area if you felt so inclined as to reach out. You could ring him up and see if there's any hope of thanking him for the good things. Filming for you will resume January second, but you'll be in London through the start of the new year. That's plenty of time to figure out a day that would work.

No. No, you shove your hands back into your coat pockets and give your head a small shake. One ruined holiday this year is more than enough. You'll leave him to enjoy his, and you'll do your best to enjoy the remainder of yours. You need time to get your thoughts together, anyway.