Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 6

I'm really sorry for any grammar/spelling errors. I always proofread, but not very well... clearly. :)

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The next morning, it was like nothing had happened the night before. I woke up with my head resting on Zayn's lap. His arms were wrapped tightly around me.

"Good morning" a sleepy Zayn said with a smile.

"Good morning..." I said back. I still sounded out of it.

"You okay? Do you need me to get anything for you?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"What do you mean? Why am I doing what?"

"Being so sweet. You keep popping up out of nowhere and saving me." I said.

"I'd do anything for you,"

That was it. He was officially the second sweetest guy I had ever met. First was, and always would be Harry.

"Come on. I'll make some breakfast," Zayn said.

"Oh yay..." I said sarcastically.

"What? You don't like my cooking? Just because it's a little burnt, it doesn't mean it's bad!" he said while laughing.

We walked to the kitchen. Zayn made his specialty, burnt waffles with strawberries. I always put extra whipped cream and berries on mine. It helped cover up the taste of the waffle. We sat down and ate our 'delicious' food.

"So, you wanna talk about last night?" Zayn asked.

"Look, last night, I wasn't myself. I always thought, I still think, suicide is never the right thing to do, no matter how bad things seem. I don't know what I was thinking." I said.

"So you're not still thinking about..."

"No! Of course not... I realised that I have way too much to live for. Besides, that's what Harry would've wanted."

"Good. I would've missed you!" he said while smiling.

His smile it was, undescribable. He could light up a room, the way Harry did.

There it was again. I had to stop thinking about Harry! I don't want to forget him. I just, don't want to remember him as much as I was. It hurt to think about what was, and could've been.

"So, you wanna talk about what happened yesterday, under that tree..."

"I didn't mean for that to come out. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No!" I practically screamed.

Did I really just say that? That loud?

"I, mean, I'm glad you did. I know how it feels to have to hide your feelings about someone from them..." I said. I didn't mean for it to sound that depressing, but it did.

"Really? For who?"

"Harry... We were friends for a few months before he asked me out. I loved him from the moment I met him."

"Yeah, but you two ended up together..."

"Well, who knows what could happen. You might have a happy ending like we di..."

I stopped myself.

Did I really just say that?! I kind of forgot we were talking about me! I basically told him that I might, and I wanted to go out with him! I mean, I wanted to, but I couldn't. It just wouldn't be right.

There was a long pause.

"Well this got awkward fast..." Zayn said.

"Yeah..." I agreed.

We sat there in silence. That's how our conversations seemed to be going lately. We'd be having a nice, heartfelt talk, someone would slip up and say something awkward, and then it would be silent.

We finished breakfast and got dressed. We hung out for a few more hours watching movies, drawing, the usual. Anything to keep us busy and my mind off of Harry for awhile.

"It's already three. I should get going now. If you need me, you know where I am."

"Zayn, wait." I called as he was walked out the door.

"Things have changed between us. There's no denying that. Honestly, I like you. I really, like you." I said sounding desperate and on the verge of crying.

"Then what's the problem? I like you, you like me? You see where I'm going with this?" he sounded annoyed.

"I need some time. I just came out of a relationship that I wasn't ready to end. I hope you can understand..."

"I, understand... When you're ready, I'll be waiting..."

He kissed me on the forehead and left.

"Why do have to be such an idiot Morgan!" I shouted.

I'm such an awkward person! I always have been. Everything I say seems to be wrong. It's been like that my whole life!

The rest of my day was spent flipping through channels and old scrapbooks.

I was really good at scrapbooking. I made scrapbooks for everyone. Eleanor and Louis, Danielle and Liam, Harry and I... I even made one for Anne, one for Maura, and one for Jay!

I picked up a baby blue book.

"Summer 2011" was written across the front in pink glitter glue.

I loved this scrapbook. All of the pictures were taken right before Harry was diagnosed with his cancer. After he found out, he was never the same. It was almost like a part of him died. He cried a lot. He tried not to cry in front of me, or anyone else for that matter. He thought he was ugly and hated himself. I hated when he said things like that. He was always gorgeous. I loved him no matter what. It hurt to hear someone as sweet, caring, kind, and just as amazing as him say that.

There were so many pictures.

Pictures of me, the boys, Eleanor, Danielle, our families, my friends from America, and so many more.

We were all so happy. I missed that. It seemed like everyone was just so depressed these last couple of weeks. I want to feel happy again. I want to wake up to Harry's smiling face. I want hold his hand and skip around the park until people stare at us. I want to be with him. Why did the world have to be so unfair? He was such an amazing guy. Why him?

I flipped through a few pages. Everytime I looked at this book, there was always a few pictures that stuck out to me.

The first was of Harry and I. He had his arm around my shoulder and were sitting around the campfire. I forget what he told me, but he was whispering something in my ear when it was taken. He had given me his jacket to wear because it was cold. It was a cute picture. Louis likes to creep up on you and take your picture. He's the one who took it.

The second picture was of Harry and my 2 year old cousin Leah. I'm from America but I moved to London a few months ago to be with Harry as much as I could. I knew he didn't have much time left so we wanted to make the most of it. When I was still living with my family in New Hampshire he came to visit for a few days. They were performing in Boston so he figured he would visit while he was around. Leah absolutely adored Harry. She wouldn't leave his side the whole day. She kept wanting to hold his hand, sit next to him, and to play with him. I don't know what it was about him, but little kids loved him. It was adorable. They were sitting on her bed and he was reading her a book in the picture. She still asks when Harry would be coming back. I always told her "soon". Now, I don't know what I'm going to tell her.

Another was of was of Harry, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Louis, Danielle, Eleanor, and I at the beach. We had our arms around eachother. I remember taking that picture. Danielle had to put her camera down so we could all be in the picture. We took atleast 7 pictures before we got it right.

I miss those days. I would give anything to have them back, anything...