Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 5

I have to say, I really like this part. It's really dramatic and kind of sad. I hope you like it as much as I do!

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The whole ride home was silent. Not one word was spoken between the four of us. Eleanor was snuggled up to Louis in the front seats while he drove. Zayn and I sat in the back. We didn't talk. It just felt awkward. I stared out the window the whole time.

Everything seemed to remind me of Harry. We passed the resturaunt Harry and I went on our first serious date. I ordered a salad and Harry told me to stop being such a girl so he told them to bring me the messiest thing he could think of, spaghetti with extra sauce. I made him get the samething too. We'll just say the waiter had a lot of cleaning up to do when we left.

We passed a pet store. We had planned on getting 4 cats when we got a place together, which we also planned to do. We wanted to name them Harold Jr., Morgan Jr., Mr. Fluffy, and Carlos. We are, were, such weirdos.

Everywhere I looked, I saw couples with kids. They all looked so happy. The children walked hand in hand with their parents. That could've been us. It should've been us.

Silently, I started to sob. I had a smile on my face, but at the same time, tears were streaming down my face. Nobody noticed me.

We finally got home. Zayn looked back at me. Without saying a word, he left. Lou took Eleanor to his place. Harry moved out a few weeks after he found out about his cancer. He said it'd be best for everyone if he moved out. He didn't want Louis to have to see him like that everyday. I had been staying at Harry's place the last few weeks. I walked into the cold, dark apartment, alone. It was so strange without him there.

I decided to go to bed. I didn't want to have to think about everything anymore. I went into his room and found some of my clothes. I stayed there so often, that I had my own drawer of clothes.

I found a pair of my pajama shorts and one of Harry's old t-shirts. I liked wearing his shirt. It made me feel like he was still here in someway, somehow.

I went to the bathroom and got changed. I looked into the mirror. I was a mess. My mascara was all over my face. My hair looked terrible. I started crying again, hard. I can't take this anymore! I punched the mirror, hard. I have no idea what came over me. My hand was covered in crimson liquid. I didn't even care anymore. I actually liked it. I deserved it. Harry had to go through all that pain. So should I.

I locked the bathroom door. I knew no one would try to come in, but I wanted to make sure no one could. I had no intention of coming out anytime soon. I leaned up against the wooden door and slowly slid down it, my hands covering my face.

I didn't want to do this anymore. I had no reason to do this anymore. I had no strength to do this anymore. I couldn't, do this anymore. I was done. I had a choice. I could continue living through the pain, that's what Harry would've wanted me to do, or end it all, no more pain.

I opened the medicine cabinet. I found the bottle of painkillers.

"WARNING: DO NOT TAKE MORE THAN 4 ADAY"

I ignored the label. I put the transperent orange bottle down on the edge of the sink. I looked up in the mirror again. I didn't like what I saw. I hated myself. I saw an ugly, broken girl with no reason to live anymore. I re-thought my plan. Was this really what I wanted to do?

I heard a knock at the door. If I was gonna do this, I needed to do this soon. The knocking got louder. I tried to get the cap off. I heard someone call my name. It was Zayn. Why does that boy have to worry about me so much? The cover wasn't coming off. The door opened. I needed to hurry this up.

"Morgan, where are you?". He called. He sounded really worried. He must've thought I was going to do something stupid. Well he thought right because, I was.

I was now trying to rip the cap off. I dropped the bottle. The small coral coloured pills went flying everywhere. Great. I was caught.

Zayn ran to the bathroom door. He tried jiggling the handle.

"Morgan! Let me in right now!"

"Go away!"

"I'll break down this door if I have to!"

I didn't answer him.

"Fine then..."

I could hear him throwing himself against the door. The door cracked and finally fell. When he came in, I had a handful of pills. Zayn smacked my hand and swooped me into his arms.

He didn't say anything. He just picked me up, the way a groom would, and brought me over to the coutch. We cried, a lot. I found myself falling asleep in his arms. In that moment, I finally realised, I did love him.