Tongue Tied

November 2010

Urgh, I couldn't be less comfortable if I tried.

I could've told Natalie the truth, I suppose. It might've been wise to just tell her I didn't want to see Scott with Freya, but somehow, I couldn't quite form the words.

I thought about them a lot. They'd been stuck in my brain for ages, trying to drown me in torturous images of them together. Kissing, holding hands, laughing...but seeing it would be something else entirely. It made it much more real.

It hurt knowing how well they suited one another, far more than me and Scott ever would. They'd create a couple so beautiful the world would know they definitely belonged together, a couple people would actually be jealous of if they saw them walking down the street hand-in-hand.

No, stop it, I warned myself with a sharp shake of a head. I just need to drink until none of this bullshit bothers me anymore.

"This is cool, isn't it?" Natalie yelled over the top of the music. "Pretty awesome they're playing loadsa classic nineties tunes. Shall we dance?"

I held up my glass indicating I needed to finish my drink first. If I was going to even attempt the dancefloor I wanted my mood to be lifted tenfold. Right now, I sat on a tight knot of anxiety in my stomach I couldn't shift however hard I tried.

I didn't want to see Scott, especially not with her, but while they weren't here everything was up in the air. The unknown was almost more painful than the actual sight of them together.

What if they don't come? That horrible thought suddenly struck me like a burning bolt of lightning. What if they spend the night in bed instead?

"What is with you?" Natalie moaned closely so I couldn't ignore her. "You're so quiet and boring tonight."

I gazed at her, realising I was being a terrible bore, ruining my own night and my friend's too just because I couldn't stop thinking about someone who only saw me as a buddy. I had two choices; I either told Natalie everything and we had a true heart-to-heart where I got out all my feelings, or we just got hammered.

"Let's get in the shots!" I yelled while throwing my hands in the air. "You're right, I am being boring. I'm just stressed. I need to loosen the hell up."

"Oh, thank god." She rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm. "Let's get wasted."

I let her drag me along to get in a silly amount of drinks. Forgetting, having a blissful, blank mind, was exactly what I needed. I had to get to a point where I just didn't care about Scott and Freya anymore.

Let them get the hell on with it. If they're meant to be then let them be.

***

My vision blurred as I staggered into the bathroom, the ground shook and shuddered like an earthquake beneath my feet. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the bright white lights. As my eyes clocked my reflection in the mirror and I saw how sloppy I'd become a slightly-hysterical giggle burst free from my chest and radiated through the room.

"Who's there?" I jumped as the room became not as empty as I first assumed. I couldn't see whoever spoke to me though, they had to be locked away in one of the crudely-painted pink cubicles. "Who's that?"

"C...Carlie," I stammered, for some reason trying to sound like I hadn't had quite as many to drink as I had.

"Can you pass me some toilet roll? As always when it gets to a certain time of night, there's no paper in the ladies. You'd think by now someone would've worked it out and they'd have the bar staff checking them over, wouldn't you?"