Tongue Tied

September 2018

"I...I..." I needed to say something, I couldn't just stammer like an idiot all night. My face burned brightly, like I was on fire. "I don't know what to say right now."

"No, I know. I don't either." Scott rocked back-and-forth on his toes. His shoulders hunched up around his ears. "But I think we need to discuss it some time, don't you? Unless you want to spend another five years not talking to one another."

Hmm, that suggested he actually wanted to be in each other's lives from here on out, which was an offer so tempting I could hardly stand it. The idea of walking away from here knowing I could've been Scott's friend again and I turned it down was just too much to bear. Even standing in front of him reminded me of the girl I once was before life got me down. I was fun, everything excited me, I used to have a spark.

Damn, I wanted that spark back!

"Yeah, I don't want that." I shook my head determinedly. "I don't want to not speak to you again. It's been weird."

His whole face lit up. "It has been weird, don't you think?"

"Oh, it sure has. But it seems like you've done well for yourself. Better than me."

A weird tension clung to the air, so thick and stifling I could hardly breathe. My lungs lay hot and heavy in my chest as I looked desperately at Scott, who still towered above me. I needed some sort of sign from him, a clue to what he was thinking.

"I'm sure you've done just fine, Carlie. I mean, your ambition was always your driving force, wasn't it?"

I hung my head low, refusing to look him in the eye as he slung that accusation at me. He was right, how could I argue with him? The only reason we ever had the stupid fight in the first place was because I freaked out about my future. I made the dumbass, childish decision I couldn't have him and a career.

"I guess so, but it hasn't done my any favours." It felt oddly good to admit that. "There are a lot of things I should've done differently."

I recalled him saying the same thing to me once, that he wanted to do things differently, right before he declared that he'd make me fall in love with him.

"I think the same goes for all of us. I don't think anyone gets this far without regrets."

"Hmm, maybe so."

I still couldn't look at him. My one main regret stood in front of me, cracking my heart in two all over again. The urge to wrap my arms tightly around him and refuse to let him go this time was almost overwhelming. I had to keep my limbs clamped to my side to stop me from acting foolish.

"Do you think we should discuss what happened at university? I know it's tough to dredge up the past, especially when it happened ages ago, but if we don't ever mention it then it'll always be the elephant in the corner of the room. We don't have to do it right now, but we should...I don't know, plan to, right?"

I huffed loudly, accepting my fate. "It might as well be now." If we didn't do it right away then it'd only get worse. I couldn't bury my head in the sand any longer.

Scott looked relieved as I agreed. "Okay, so first off, I want to apologise for hurting you. Now I'm older, I can see everything I did wrong, and it sucks. I don't like remembering all the times I upset you. I hate the memories when you have sad little look on your face...a bit like the one you're wearing right now."

I ignored the 'sad little look' comment, I was too stunned. I couldn't believe he'd just said that! All the time I'd been planning to say sorry and it seemed Scott had been doing the same thing. I guess with all the regret I'd suffered I forgot he hurt me too. All those times it must've been obvious I had feelings for him and he kinda just ignored it. When he tested me with Freya, when he dated Kat, even the way he suddenly decided it was time for us to be together.