Tongue Tied

June 2012

I watched the washing machine clean my clothes devastatingly slowly, painfully so. Once I moved off campus I thought I wouldn't have to come to the uni washroom again, but with our machine out of action and the landlord dragging his heels about fixing it, I didn't see what other choice I had. I was down to my last things, it was either buy new things or face this nightmare. The end of the summer term was coming, I sure as hell couldn't afford anything new.

At least I'd chosen a good time. It was late so there wasn't anyone else with me. I could do some reading at the very least. It wouldn't be time wasted...

Except I wasn't reading really. The textbook lay open on my lap but my eyes aimlessly watched the clothes whirl around and around. I'd heard about the famous 'second-year slump' in university, the excitement of it all being new had gone and the end was nowhere near in sight. I could feel it hard, I couldn't wait for summer to begin to give me a break from it. University was a little world of its own, completely cut off from everything else, and somewhere outside it, real life existed. Just for a little while, I wanted to get back to it.

"Hello," a sheepish voice broke through my thoughts. "I hope you don't mind me being here. I just ran into Natalie and she said you were getting some washing done. Some massive drama at your house, am I right?"

I slid my eyes closed for a second. Sometimes it felt like I never saw Scott anymore, and others it was like I couldn't escape him wherever I went. Mostly, when he was anywhere near me and my entire body filled with that intense sensation something wanted to burst free.

"Hey, Scott, yeah our machine is on the fritz." I held up my book half-heartedly. "I thought I'd come here when the place was empty to get some work done."

He took a seat on the bench next to me and shimmied far too close to my body. Every single hair stood on edge as each individual part of me yearned to reach out and touch him. I clasped my fingers so tightly around the book my knuckles turned white, just to stop myself from grabbing him...

"You're always about work these days. I don't know what happened to the fun-loving girl who pulled her top down and flashed everyone on New Year's Eve in the first year."

I laughed despite myself. "You aren't going to fool me with that one. I remember the party quite well, thank you very much."

"Yeah," he murmured breathily. "So, do I."

The tension came back. This was exactly why we couldn't be friends anymore. Ever since that kiss, things had gone downhill. I made my feelings too damn obvious, he showed he didn't really want me, even if he thought he might from time to time. It was just a mess. A year and a half had passed and things had gone from bad to worse.

"I wish I never said those things to you then." My eyes snapped up, I could hear the vulnerability lacing his tone. For one god-awful moment, I thought he was about to be truly honest with his feelings, and it seemed I was right. "I guess I just freaked out. I haven't ever liked anyone the way I do you and I thought then I couldn't handle it. I assumed it was all just the heady rush of being a first-year, I let myself believe I was getting carried away. I haven't..." He breathed deeply just at the moment my breaths stopped completely. "I haven't ever been in love before and I thought it was a bit too much."

Love? Is he serious?

As my pulse rate stopped, my mind circled over the words I'd desperately from the very first moment I met him. All I'd desired was for him to fall for me the way I had him. It would've been so easy to collapse into his arms, to give in to everything he told me, and there was such a big part of me that really wanted to.