CHAPTER II.
( the teacher. )
The second time she says out loud she's not a boy and that everybody's got it wrong, her father's already dead.
(It hurts. More than anything she's ever felt before, more than any injury she's had during missions, and the image of his blood on the floor won't leave her mind.)
(She hates him for it. Hates him, not because he prolonged the war and not because he chose his teammates above his mission, no, Kakashi's far more selfish than that: she hates him because he left her. Because he was her father and she was already bathed in blood, she was already a chūnin so why, why did he have to leave his blood on her hands, too?)
(But at the same time, at the same time, she still loves him. He's still her father, the one who accepted her, who loved her, who smelled like wolves and blood and paper, and she can't—)
(She can't hate him for it, for loving his comrades too much, but—)
(She just wants to know why.)
It happens when she's going back to Konoha from a mission with Minato-sensei, a C-rank, and he says:
"Let's stop by the hot springs," cheery and calm, two emotions he wears like she does her mask. "It'll be nice."
She nods. There are fluids on her clothes that don't belong to her and her body is tense after the battle with that group of bandits, and a bath sounds nice. It isn't until they're already on their way to the hot springs that she realizes they're divided by sex.
And. And Kakashi doesn't really care about how people perceive her gender, never has, because she knows she's a girl and that's all she needs, but.
But she's still a girl, and this is a public bathhouse, and, and—
And she doesn't want to go to the man's side. Because, because she's not, even if her body tells another story, even if her register says male, shinobi, instead of female, kunoichi.
She hesitates.
She—
Those few seconds of hesitation are all Minato needs to see that something's wrong, though. "Kakashi-kun?" He asks. "Everything alright?"
Kakashi wants to scream at him that no, no everything's not alright because she's a girl in a boy's body and what is she supposed to do, now? And she's so, so confused; it hurts to know she can't go to the woman's side, it's frustrating to know her teacher doesn't know what's happening to her, because her father did, it makes her angry that she wasn't born a girl and wouldn't that make it all easier?
But she doesn't. She doesn't because this is Minato-sensei, the only one who's been there since before her father's death, the one who had opened up his home to her when Kakashi couldn't sleep on her own, the one who had taken her in, and she's so, so grateful for it. Her instincts are screaming at her to trust him, to tell him, and he's Minato-sensei, who smells like fresh grass and ink and sweet apples—and frogs, but ew—so she grabs his sleeve as she opens her mouth and in a small voice, she lets the words fall.
"I'm a girl."
It's not subtle. There's no way out of it, and she tries to hide a wince. She's said enough.
But Minato's confusion is plain on his face, so for him, she tries again.
"I wasn't—I'm not a boy, even when—even if—" she cuts herself, hands trembling, clutching Minato-sensei's sleeve. "I'm a girl," her voice cracks. I'm sorry, "I'm a girl and my body's wrong but I am and, and, sensei—" I don't want you to hate me.
Minato's been serving Konoha for seven years and one of them has been dedicated to teaching Kakashi how to survive this cruel world of theirs, but for all his genius, the words his brain is trying to process aren't there. Kakashi is a girl. A girl, instead of a boy, and he didn't know.
(Wouldn't have known if civilians got a word of it, because for all he loves Konoha he knows its habitants' flaws, and suddenly, he's glad Kakashi's a shinobi. Because the forces don't care about that, can't, when death is so near all the time, but civilians do.)
(Maybe Sakumo hadn't officially changed Kakashi's gender because he knew. Maybe Sakumo simply hadn't been told, or Kakashi hadn't figured it out before his suicide. But he doesn't care, because he's got Kakashi in front of him, and not Sakumo.)
Grabbing one of her small hands with his—still trembling, even as her body's still, such a good little shinobi she is—he rubs his thumb on it, the other automatically seeking the back of her head, bringing her closer to him.
It's the first hug Kakashi's ever had since her father's death.
Minato-sensei doesn't hate her. He still—loves—her. Relief floods through her, and she relaxes in his hold, bit by bit.
"Okay," he says, a little baffled, but hiding it well. "Okay. That's fine. Do you still go by Kakashi?" At her nod, he exhales. "Good."
He's silent for a few seconds, thinking, musing, and Kakashi wonders. "Sensei?"
"You're still a child, Kakashi," he points out, looking at her in the eyes. "So it's okay if you enter the man's side. You would even if you were born different, because you're six years old. Do you understand, Kakashi?"
Oh. Oh. She doesn't need to choose, not yet, that's what he's saying. She doesn't need to fight the side of her that rebels at the thought of entering the man's side because what matters is that Minato is her guardian and she would enter with him regardless of her gender.
"We can still leave. If you're truly uncomfortable, we can go back to the Inn and use our room's shower. I swear it won't bother me."
He's serious in his offer, Kakashi knows. And for that, for the option, for what he's made her realize—she's a child still, she doesn't have to choose, not now, not for a while—she looks up at him in adoration and with a blush in her cheeks he can't see, and shyly, she whispers:
"It's fine." As long as Minato-sensei doesn't hate me, it's fine.
Suddenly, Minato's struck with how much he loves this child. With how much he would give for her, to protect her, to guide her, and he wonders, briefly, if this is what it feels like to have a family.
Small as it is, he thinks he would love to find out.
Scooping her up to his hips, he smiles at the little squeak that escapes her lips, and he hugs her tighter. He laughs at her protests, and almost melts when she gives up and mumbles in his neck something he can't make out, hugging him back.
(When they finally enter the hot springs, Kakashi's using a towel to cover her face. But Minato has seen it, and he finally understands her urge to wear a mask—because while her face is that of a child, it's still boyish, and a little too alike to Sakumo's.)
(Later, he muses, and thinks, not for the first time: how could you ever let go of Kakashi, Sakumo?)
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𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓, kakaobi.
Fanfiction❝ THE GIRL IN HER RIBCAGE WEARS A BLOODY CROWN. ❞ 傷 ━━ The world will either make you or break you, and maybe Kakashi was born with a dick between her legs, but her fangs were sharpened by wolves, and her kindness bred by death. Maybe in another lif...
