𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓, kakaobi.

11 | where there's no light

chapter xi;

It's difficult to describe the way Obito's feeling. 

Obito's flying, drunk on darkness. 

He's floating in a sea of obscurity and he thinks he may be getting addicted to it.

He remembers feeling like this when he was younger, with no worries more than arriving late and without death in his back. 

When Obito thinks back to his early academy days, he thinks of her. 

Her who was kind and had always a smile on her face. 

Her who was his only friend, her who always had words to make him feel better. 

Her whose name was Rin and who had held his heart for years. 

But it's not about her anymore.

(He realized this at sixteen.)

Because he'd been put on a team with an arrogant prat and the girl of his dreams and the most awesome teacher ever.

He was twelve and dreamed about being Hokage, and was loud —so very loud, too loud sometimes, but it was so lonely without something filling that void called silence—, and had fought the brat two years younger than him but also so much better than him that it was almost suffocating, to fight with him. Or, what he believed to be a him, either way.

It wasn't until he was fourteen, somewhen before that mission, that he started liking Kakashi. It wasn't obvious, not like it had been with Rin, so he hadn't put much thought into it. 

Then they've been friends —because if someone had lost an eye for him, then he couldn't be that bad, right?— and then his grandma had died. His grandma had died and he was so lost without her, so empty.

So he'd gone to Kakashi's home and he'd cried. He'd cried and talked and screamed, had fallen asleep in Kakashi's arms and their relationship had done another step. And he realized, oh, he realized. 

I like Kakashi, was what had gone through his head once his thoughts have organised themselves and he'd stopped grieving.

The realization had been shocking. 

Then he proceeded to, at sixteen, be a pining teen.

Of course, Rin noticed. 

(She chuckled and smiled and god, Obito loved that smile. So he smiled too and she hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and said: "I'm so glad, Obito.")

(Rin was his sister from another mother and nothing could change that.)

At seventeen, Kakashi had come out to them. So, Kakashi was a girl. And it had been so confusing because he didn't care, was still head over heels for her, had taken it on a stroll and he had been perfectly okay with it. 

So he hadn't cared. Not really. 

But—

But it was still embarrassing that a girl had caught him like— like that.

Because, yeah, it had been embarrassing beyond everything he had known when Kakashi had caught him, but those— those type of things weren't to be seen by girls! 

(His grandma had drilled into his head that he had to be a gentleman with girls, forever and always.)

(And Kakashi at that time had been a boy, a boy he liked but still a boy.)

(Well, a girl, but he hadn't known that.)

And from then on—

Well.

He can admit, now— in this state of peacefulness, that he'd done, things, he can't say he regrets, but absolutely has no intentions of letting anyone know. 

Like the fact that he'd kissed Kakashi when she was sleeping one night in their tent. 

Or like the fact that he'd checked Kakashi out when they'd been in the bathrooms. 

Or the fact that he'd hugged and cuddled with Kakashi when she was asleep. 

He—

He just likes cuddles, okay.

So, anyway, Obito can honestly say that he loves her.

Her whose smiles are so rare but so beautiful at the same time.

Her who fights him in every step they make but also is so incredibly ready to help him whenever he needs it.

Her who is one of the most efficient ninjas in their whole village. 

Her whose gender differs from her biological sex.

Her whose name is Kakashi.

(Her who he will follow until the end of the line.)

In his darkness, Obito remembers little of what he'd been doing before it. And although he remembers Kushina's pregnancy, Minato's nerves and Kakashi's breaks down —she was going to be a big sister, you know—, he can't remember why he's here and not there.

He wants to see them, he really does, but—

Maybe he'll wait a little. 

(Because he's in peace and so full of bliss, so much like completely calm with the universe—)

(He can't abandon this, not when he'd been through war and had been dealing with PTSD.)

But—

(His eye. His eye. Hiseyehiseyehiseye—)

But—

(Kakashi. Kakashi. KakashiKakashiKakashiKakashi—)

And—

(Hurt. Hurt. Hurthurthurthurthurthurthurt—)

So—

(With a gasp, Obito wakes up.)