𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐓, kakaobi.

10 | where ashes begin to dim

chapter x;

It's been a year and a half, and Kakashi's eighteen. 

She—

She hasn't cared for a year and a half, about that.

(Because she's eighteen and Obito's in a coma. Because she's eighteen and Kushina can't walk. Because she's eighteen and Naruto is one of the only constants she has but she doesn't know how to take care of a baby and it's really, really scary, to do so. Because she's eighteen and she's so lucky that Rin's alive and well that for the firsts months after the Kyuubi attack she cries every time she sees her.)

(Because she's eighteen and Minato-sensei's dead.)

(Because her father is dead.)

(Because she's eighteen but she was seventeen and lost a father and a best-friend-not-quite-turned-lover, because she was seventeen and sleeping in the same bed as her pack seven nights a week because without them she couldn't even close her eyes, because she was seventeen and almost suicidal when she first accepted Gai's attempt to make a friend out of her and since then it's all a little better but still hard.)

(Because she's eighteen and she doesn't really care.)

(She's only survived because of Obito's Sharingan.)

(There aren't mirrors inside her apartment.)

(It hurts.)

She has been— lucky, you could say, despite all of it. Rin's almost unscattered —she has this big scar all across her face, but she's whole and absolutely alive, which matters her the most—, and Gai is her friend, and her pack are wonderful hunter dogs who cuddle with her at night, and Kushina might not walk but maybe she will —and hell if that isn't wonderful news—, and she has Naruto.

Naruto, who is her little brother and smiles and hurts to watch because Minato-sensei, but he's her little brother and a ray of sunshine —who has a mother at the hospital, a dead father, a dysfunctional big sister, a big brother in a coma and another big sister working to death because the 10th of October was truly a dark day—. 

Naruto, who is known as the Jinchuuriki because of some idiot nurse who was terrified of a baby. 

(What the hell is that piece of trash doing in a hospital for ninja, then?)

Naruto, who is currently in her arms because of the daily visit to Kushina's hospital room.

(Soon, she repeats to herself, soon.)

(Kushina will get away from the hospital in less than two months.)

"Good morning, Kushina-nee-san." she greets when she opens the door. "How do you feel today?"

She can practically see the pout on the woman's face when she answers. "I'm certainly good enough to go out-ttebane!" and then she grins. "Now, let me see my baby!"

Kakashi smiles —for what can she do— and nods. "He's been a good pup."

Kushina laughs at the terminology, but thinks that it's a little sad, that Kakashi can only relate to dogs' way of viewing family. "He's been a good boy, then-ttebane."

(Kushina proceeded to cuddle with her son. Kakashi knows how much it hurts her not to be with him twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, and every year of his life until he's old enough to take care of himself. But even Kakashi doesn't know how deep her inner turmoils are, because even in Minato's death, even crying and after having a Bijuu extracted from her body, Kushina stayed strong.)

(Mother is so strong, she thinks to herself.)

Without any warning, the door opens. Rin's there, smiling and with a wheelchair in hand.

"Good morning, Kushina-nee-san, Kakashi-chan, Naru-chan." she says while giving them pecks at their cheeks. "Well, how about we go outside for a while?" 

(Kakashi has always marvelled at Rin. Always kind, always smiling.)

(She still remembers all the nights the two of them cried together.)

Naruto giggles, and for all that Kakashi is downright depressed since what seems like forever, she smiles.

Kakashi's eighteen, and Kushina will be soon out of the hospital.

Kakashi's eighteen and she can sleep without her pack's help more than thrice a week. 

Kakashi's eighteen and Gai distracts her enough to keep going.

Kakashi's eighteen and depressed but not suicidal.

(Kakashi's eighteen and her body is more masculine than ever, but there are other matters she has to attend that have more importance right now.)

(Like the fact that most of her pack is alive. The human pack, that is. The dog one is whole. Thank god.)

(Kakashi's eighteen and Obito's not there, but she has faith.)

(Obito's always been stubborn.)

It's been a year and a half since that day, and Kakashi doesn't exactly know what the future will bring, but laughing with Rin and Kushina and Naruto is great.

When Gai crashes to greet them and challenges her, she laughs. Well, technically, Gai challenges him, but she swears — one day, he will know, too.

Maybe when her depression is lifted.

(She thinks of Obito and blushing faces and knows that it won't be the same, because he's not Obito and never will be, but he's her friend and in the way of being her best friend, so it might be okay, to tell him.)

(She wishes for Obito to wake up, just like she always does.)

(Now that she thinks about it, she's been arriving late at the meetings, too.)

(Though maybe that's because she's been visiting Obito way too much.)

(Once Obito opens his eye —in singular because now she has one of his—, she will kiss him. And he will feel her tongue in his throat if that's what's necessary for him to stay.)

(Hmpf.)