Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Vincent

I didn't buy a teddy bear but I did spend her money. I considered making the purchase to spite her. I opted instead for a new shirt because it's as close as I'll ever get to a birthday present from Xander. Even though it's a week away, I haven't mentioned my birthday to her. That might give her the impression that I think we are in a relationship and we can't have that; it's only been six months.

In her defense, her birthday hasn't come up in conversation either. Nevertheless, I know it. I watched her life unfold; waiting anxiously in the wings for the opportunity to be a part of it. I know the exact moment that Xander was given new life.

My heart erupted at the recognition of Avery's soul reentering the world. My smile peered around the corners of my mouth in anticipation of being released back into the world to meet him. No such thing occurred. Stagnation bullied my exuberance into quietude then impatience as I watched his soul existing without my accompaniment. It was a condition his soul had grown accustomed to but a state my soul refused to accept. I cleared my throat; maybe the Universe had forgotten I was here. Silence mocked my attempt at subtlety.

"I'm ready," I stated.

"I said I'm ready," I boomed after my first try went unacknowledged.

The words bounced off the atmosphere and returned to me in the form of a question.

"Ready for what?" the echo shot back at me.

"I am ready for love," I said to no one in particular.

The quiet examined the veracity of my proclamation before inaction rendered it null. I searched for any indication that the slow burn of this assessment would be extinguished with another, more favorable conclusion. Instead, it smothered in the silence we shared, disintegrating my excitement into charcoaled despondency.

I threw back shots of self-pity until I became drunk enough to blur the line between responsibility and victim of circumstance. I was at the mercy of the Universe, I convinced myself, and the Universe was being unreasonable. I toasted a middle finger to the capricious hand of fate then indulged in another round of woe is me.

"Do you remember what got you here?" the question stormed my pity party, bringing instant sobriety.

Shame pulsed through me as I recognized the similarities between my past and present behavior.

"I'm not that person anymore," but the stink of self-loathing was still on my breath.

My words lacked the spine of conviction, making them unable to stand on their own once released from my mouth. Yet I continued on, hoping my words would evoke a shadow of a doubt in the minds of those who held my future in their hands. I reconsidered the question of my behavior and silently accepted the fact that my current maturity level had remained unchanged since my departure from earth. I surrendered to the notion that I had tremendous room for growth then addressed an unseen jury.

"Please don't continue to keep love hidden from me. Please don't continue to enslave me to a mistake I made when I so desperately wish to be released into the captivity of Avery's love. I have endured this existence for a lifetime, willingly putting in the time necessary to be found in love's good graces. Please, I'm ready for love."

"Acknowledge me!" I demanded of the subsequent calm.

"Acknowledge me," I begged but there was still no reply.

"Mold me then," I whispered, desperation laying the foundation of my request, "you have my permission and complete cooperation to do whatever it takes to save me from this eternal heartbreak."

Silence.

"Please!" the falsetto was unrecognizable as the word broke free from the torture taking place inside of me, "tell me what is enough to prove I'm ready."

I tried to grasp at the years whipping by in Avery's life; they were moving so fast. If something didn't happen soon another lifetime would be missed. I refused to squander another chance to be what I should have been all of those years ago, a fighter. I squared myself and prepared to battle for my life when I'm suddenly enshrouded in darkness.

"Sometimes you get what you ask for," were the words that sent me back to earth.

I realize now, after years spent searching the planet for the soul so easily found light years away and then finding that soul residing at the heart of Xander, that the words that birthed me were meant exclusively as a forewarning. My promise to fight, my resolution to not be denied would be tested every step of the way. When she appears in the doorway of my bedroom wearing nothing but an expression saying "words are not a part of the bargain." I know my fight to love her will continue on.

I grant her the silence she requires of me because in this war she has waged on the existence of our relationship, brute force will do nothing to level our disproportionate entanglement.