Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Vincent

She's wrong about me loving Avery and not her but I'm certain in this moment, when all she sees me as is a liar, the words I'd use to refute her statement will carry no weight. But I'm equally certain my silence in this matter will do more damage than any of my words can do so I take a chance on speaking.

"Xander," I reach for her hand and she yanks it behind her back before I have the chance to make contact.

"Don't fucking touch me."

"I do love you," I say as my hand drops back down to my side.

"Fuck you," her words are acidic, easily eating through my paper thin rebuttal.

"What would you like me to say, Xander? I'm sorry I didn't tell you, okay. I'm truly, truly sorry you found out the way you did. I should have been the one to tell you, not let you find out in a dream. I honestly just didn't know how to tell you. I was afraid of losing you and I couldn't risk losing you."

"But not because you couldn't live without me but because you'd be forced to live with yourself and what you did. You sought me out hoping that getting me to love you the second time around might rid you of your demons," her words lack emotions as she stares into nothing.

I watch the truth unfold in her mind as the words fall from her mouth.

"Is that about right, Vincent? Does that pretty much sum up your reason behind this?"

"When I made the choice to come back for you..."

"No," Xander speaks with a disturbing calm, "you're not going to talk circles around me or use your words to paint your fuck up into something beautiful. You're going to answer yes or no. So, Vincent, did you seek forgiveness for your sins in the form of a relationship with me?"

"It's not as simple as a yes or no answer."

"Make it that simple or I'm done," her complete lack of emotion tells me she is done either way.

"Xander..."

She turns and steps away from me.

I hate the corner her demands box me into but I know if she walks away, she will never return.

"Yes," I yell after her, "yes that's why I came looking for you but..."

She raises a finger and shakes it back and forth but remains with her back facing me.

"So that night when we met, it wasn't me you wanted. It was the soul you felt I was harboring, yes or no?"

"Yes," I say begrudgingly.

"What's wrong, Vincent? You don't like my questions?" she turns to look at me.

"No," that's an easy one to answer.

"Why not?" she mocks, "do you feel like I'm being unfair by not giving you a chance to explain?"

"Yes."

"But you don't find it odd at all that you only, right now, want to explain things to me?" Xander doesn't wait for me to answer, "You had all of this time to explain absolutely everything to me and you bit your tongue. For nearly a year you didn't say two words about this to me and now, and only because you got caught in your lie, you feel like two words aren't enough. Ain't that a fucking trip? I'm stingy because I won't give you enough words to spin your web of deceit into an even bigger one when we're in this mess only because you refused to share in the first place."

I say nothing because I believe all of her previous questions are rhetorical. She immediately recognizes the reason for my silence and poses one I can answer.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

Honesty, silence and lying equally jeopardize our chance at reconciliation and I do not know what to do in this moment. I opt for honesty.

"No."

"So tell me again what you're sorry for. You couldn't possibly be sorry for not telling me because you had no intentions of ever doing so. So what the fuck is the apology for, Vincent?!" all of the feeling missing moments ago comes rushing to the surface.

"I'm sorry you found out," I say blankly because I was.

It never dawned on me she would find out without my broaching the subject. I never expected to have to say anything more about the situation than I did on the day I finally met her.

"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you," she closes the gap between us in a single stride and begins to pound her fists on my chest.

I take her licks without protest. She pushes me backward when her arms become too tired to continue to drum on my upper body. I grab her arms in the same motion and pull her tightly to me. I secure her in a hold she will never escape, even as she tries her best to do just that.

"Xander," I say to her as she tries to twist and writhe her way out of my grasp, "I wasn't going to tell you because it was something you never needed to know. What good is it doing us now that you do know? This wouldn't have changed if the words came from me instead of a dream. You'd still be just as mad. You'd still be just as hurt. You'd still be just as untrusting of me as you are right now. We wouldn't be if you knew and you know that. We needed to love each other not because I needed forgiveness but because it's what we are supposed to do. We are a part of one another and as bad as our past was, it doesn't negate that fact. We have to be together, Xander. There is no other way for us to live."

She is still in my arms.

"It's been a rough couple of days but we'll be just fine. We can survive this, Xander," it's more of a question than a statement and I'm hoping she will agree. "Let's not fight. I'm tired. I'm sure you're exhausted, let's just sleep tonight, okay?"

I guide Xander to the bed and pull back the covers. She slides beneath them and holds them up so I can join her. I kiss her forehead.

"I know we seem lost now, but I promise you, soon we'll be found."

She doesn't say a word and I don't force any from her. I simply watch her drift off to sleep and I silently pray I am given the chance to keep this promise.