Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Xander

"Do you honestly believe it's possible that I loved you in a past life?" I ask, keeping my eyes focused on the road ahead of me.

I am concentrating more on quieting my fear of his answer than the three-hour plus drive in Fourth of July weekend traffic to my parent's house.

"Yes," Vincent states simply, "you don't? Not even the possibility of it?"

"It's just, you don't get more than one go-round here on earth so if this is my one and only life then I couldn't have loved you in another time, right?" It was supposed to be a statement but it manages to transform into a question at the last minute.

"Who's to say you only get one chance?"

"Everyone. Why do you think people are either hell-bent on living this thing to the fullest or sacrificing every pleasure imaginable for a shot at entry into the pearly gates? If we could have do-overs there would be way more or less fuck-ups, depending on your philosophy of life. Which lets me further know there are no second chances."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"So you didn't love me in a past life?"

"No, I didn't."

"And you're sure of that?"

I fucking hate Vincent's "riddle me this" moments. All I want is an answer to a simple question and maybe to be convinced that his answer is the right one since I can't seem to form a concrete opinion of my own. Somehow I got sucked into this endless game of "well what do you think?" Just convince me already, damn.

"I'm not sure of anything, Vincent. So if you have some information you'd like to share to help sway my opinion one way or another then, by all means, share it with me," my frustration fills the car.

"What do you want to believe?" Vincent asks, taking my hand off the drive shaft and wrapping it in his.

"What? Why does that...why is that even a question? I want to know what's true. Why the fuck do you think I'm asking?" I'm screaming now.

"Do you want to know what's true?" his voice is barely audible, forcing me to quiet everything in order to hear what he is saying to me.

"Fuck it, Vincent. I don't want to know shit. Forget I even asked."

"You're such a hot head. Can we please just finish a conversation you started?"

I ignore him because I plan to call him something far worse than a hot head.

"What you want to believe matters," he whispers, "I can tell you what I know to be true until I am blue in the face but if you don't want to believe it then what I say is null and void. Perception is reality, Xander."

He raises my hand to his lips and kisses it gently.

"So what do you want to believe?"

I live in a virtual bubble; a world of my own creation. In my bubble, I am President, CEO, Founder, and God for all intents and purposes. I have the power to create, destroy, welcome and deny entry into my world. Only things that bring me supreme joy are allowed inside; things like sex, Vincent (although not right now), shopping and creating. Things that do not meet this qualification including; structure, bullshit and emotions (all kinds) are considered trespassers and are shot on sight. Survivors are shot again. Vincent doesn't like me in my bubble. For whatever reason he feels as though I should exist in the real world, experiencing life as it truly is and not just through the distorted view of an incubator.

"Just because you pretend something doesn't exist doesn't make it nonexistent," Vincent tells me whenever I close my eyes to the unwanted.

When he finds himself unable to pull me out of my bubble he tries to pop it. That's what I feel he is doing now, trying to burst my bubble.

It wouldn't be enough to love him now. No, I have to have loved him for decades or centuries or however long ago we existed in this past life. I have to retreat into my bubble to exist in a glorious state of ignorant bliss to shield myself from all the perception shattering questions resulting from the possibility of his belief. I should kick his ass out of my damn bubble but instead, I hesitate at its entrance.

"I only know I don't want to ruin this. If the truth will jeopardize us in any way, then maybe I don't want to know it. Maybe I will just remain unenlightened."

"Ignorance is bliss," Vincent responds, his gaze locked onto nothing in particular.

"My sentiments exactly."

"So why did you ask?"

"Ask what?"

"What I believed?"

"Because reincarnation might be a Taboo card," I joke half-heartedly.

He refuses to let me off the hook and stares into me until I break.

"Because I thought you would convince me to believe it too."

"But you..."

I cut him off because I already know what he is going to say.

"Like I said, I don't know what to believe. Part of me wants to remain in the bubble you hate and exist with you in this lifetime with no regard for the past or future because right now we are happy, really, really happy. But part of me wants to be able to justify the strength of this bond which could have only developed over lifetimes of love. But if we are here again to right our wrongs then the question has to be asked; what did you or I do so terribly that warrants a second chance? And if I'm being honest, I'm not sure I want to know the answer to that."