Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Vincent

Xander, as it turns out, has two settings; firecracker and sleep. She's beautiful in both modes but a sleeping, peaceful, non-combative Xander allows for the uninterrupted appreciation of such beauty. I've decided to forego sleep tonight in order to further indulge in this newfound side of her. Her unconscious presence reminds me of the words she spoke to me hours ago, "I'm forever yours." My heart stutters in its rush to relive the memory, unable to believe we have finally arrived.

"Here we are," my words are ushered gently into her ear.

A smile contaminates my face as I repeat those words to myself, here we are...

It certainly wasn't the easiest road to take, even though I always knew we would arrive. But knowing the answer was going to be yes, didn't stop Xander from keeping me in fear of the question. I am convinced there is no one more capable of breaking down a man. I am doubly sure, after today, there isn't a soul more capable of building one up.

She offered to change for me, to be molded into whatever I am capable of loving. I could not and still can't think of a single modification. I love being submerged in her contradictions, like the way she cursed the entire time she professed her love to me. The purity of the kind and courteous loves can't compare with the strength our relationship has built by playing in the dirt. We acquired some rips and stains along the way but today, in this moment, the wait was worth it.

I train my eyes on her and explore the details of her face. I work in vain to piece together her story from the lines it shows. The little I do know about her is the result of eavesdropping on her life from another world. I'm hoping that in addition to the future she has agreed to share with me, she will also disclose her past. I want to know the story of her evolution. I want to know everything there is to know about this soul I've been chasing for lifetimes. But a small part of me wants to know how responsible I am for the beautiful mess that has been created. Am I the sole reason she exists as a paradox; strong yet needy, humble but greedy, selectively reckless? Were there events in this lifetime that equipped her with the ability to mutate her words into blades or is it all my doing? Am I the only left scarred by her sharp tongue? More importantly, does that make me special or deserving?

I consider the flaws clouding the path to my soul, threatening to blind her to the only way out of the typical love most experience. I fear she will never be able to see my soul through the smoke of the imperfections. Would knowing the truth about me change her feelings? I have more questions than I can, and in some instances, dare to answer.

She stirs and I freeze as if I have done something wrong. It's our first night together. I have no clue as to the rules of engagement. How disturbed will she be to wake up and find me staring at her? She's so new to intimacy. She couldn't possibly know if such behavior is a deal breaker despite feeling as though she has none.

I pull her as close to me as our bodies will allow and force my eyes shut. It's probably in our best interest for me to go to sleep. If our relationship is going to end, it won't be at the hands of my being "gay."