Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Vincent

If I'm being honest, I don't want her to know. So I take her indecision and buy additional time in this idyllic world where I don't have sins to atone for. I convince myself that telling her now would be rushing the healing process and we need more time to mend from the mistakes I've made. I plead with no one in particular that she will remain unsure. I know she will be able to love me when the pain is gone. I am equally certain we will fall through the cracks of her broken heart if I tell her a moment before then.

"You'll know when you're ready and when that day comes, I will give you my very humble opinion on the matter."

"Your opinion is never humble."

"My self-assurance is what attracted you to me most."

Xander rolls her eyes and changes the subject. I try not to visibly show my relief.

"Part of me knows you'd never lie to me. So, if you said it then it must be true," she says, returning to the conversation that took place in the car this morning.

Xander sits on the edge of the bed I've been assigned. Her parents have made it clear there will be no 'shacking up' in their house, regardless of what we do back home. They have given us an 11:00 pm curfew and placed us in separate, yet adjacent rooms facing their open bedroom door.

"Keep it in your pants, son. That's still my child," were her father's parting words before retiring for the evening.

He didn't even wait around for me to say, "yes sir"; my compliance was a given. She doesn't look at me so I'm not sure if Xander is expecting to have a real conversation in the six minutes we have until curfew.

"What if I did something horrible to you back then and when you find out what it is I've done, you decide you can't love me anymore?" her eyes are swimming in tears when she turns to look at me.

She is in my arms before the first tear falls. I hold her tightly and give them a chance to make their escape before making a promise to her.

"There is nothing you could do then, now or in the future, to make it impossible for me to love you," I pull away from her and hold her face in my hands, "you know that right?"

She stares at me unconvinced.

"I could be completely wrong, you know," I swipe tears away with my thumb.

"You don't mean that."

"I do. I was just trying to get you to notice me that night. I spent the entire night noticing you and you never even looked my direction until I made my approach. I had to come up with something that would keep your attention."

The tiniest smile plays at the corners of her mouth.

"Whatever. You don't use pick-up lines and you're way too wordy for that to be the best you can do. You meant what you said, Vincent. Please don't start lying to me just because I'm upset."

"Even if I did mean what I said, it doesn't make it true," I say, "just the ranting and raving of a man madly in love."

Xander puts her head on my chest.

"Can we lay down for a second?"

I glance at the clock, 10:58:

"Is your dad going to shoot me?"

"He's more of a stabber. He's still got that prison mentality, you know," she says forcing me back onto the twin size bed barely holding my 6 foot plus frame.

I'm waiting for her to tell me she is joking. Instead, she drapes her body across mine so no part of her is touching the mattress.

"You're kidding, aren't you?"

"Shhh," she says and in an instant, she is sleeping.

I, on the other hand, am on high alert. I'm waiting for her father to get out of bed and turn me into a pin cushion.

Xander's sobs disrupt a blink that has lasted four hours.

"Xander," I'm whispering into her ear because I'm sure if her father wakes up, he's not going to be pleased to find his daughter sleeping in my bed.

"Xander. Xander, you have to wake up," I shake her and the bed threatens to tell on the both of us, "Xander, wake up."

Her eyes fly open.

"Are you awake?"

She stares at and through me all at once.

"Say something," I whisper harshly, "are you awake?"

Her head cocks to the side as if she is seeing me for the first time but she remains silent. In an instant, her eyes close and she is sleeping soundly in my arms again.

I shake off the chill her look shot down my spine. I regret not getting a pledge of unconditional love from her while I was giving her mine.