Eternity's Ending (our version of events) - Book One

Vincent

"This is one of those times," her words still parade around my head days later and I have to wonder if I've imagined it all.

I compare our escapades side by side and comb through the scenes in search of differences. I notice proximity has been replaced with intimacy as evidenced by her undeniable desire to be held by me when she never allowed it before. The wall that was in place to keep me at bay shows signs of instability. Upon further inspection I notice a hole indicating that something has gotten through. I'm sure if I were to dust for fingerprints my "I love you" would be the culprit. But I know Xander will never even report the break-in.

I should have responded to her with "don't risk us by being scared." Instead, I watched her leave; my pack of restrained words tearing at the leash that kept them unspoken. She taunted them with her passion, worked them up into a frenzy and then took a single step beyond the reach of their rope.

I've spent all of my nights since, alone, lost in scenarios until sun rays chase away the darkness inhabiting my bedroom. My days are spent placing my fate in the hands of virtual flower petals in rigged games of "She loves me. She loves me not." She always loves me. At least she does if I listen to the last petal standing but she hasn't called, texted, come by, sent a message in a bottle...

I play the game over and over as I wait at Xander's doorstep. I fight to steel the wavering faith flower petals have given me because days have passed with love exhibiting no signs of life. I'm here at her door because I am determined to pull the plug on this relationship. I've been breathing for it since its inception. I need to know if we will survive without the life-sustaining measures I've taken to keep us alive.

The authority in my stance is in stark contrast to the fear tugging at my pant leg, urging me to abandon ship. I don't know why I'm scared; I've been here before. Every feeling, every word has been lived and relived. Still, the fear is intimidating. I stay because I know I will not be able to summon such courage again. I'm rehearsing my lines in my head when she appears at her front steps.

"Just let me talk, okay," Xander recognizes this as a statement and nods in agreement.

"I lost days thinking about you. To say you've been on my mind is a complete understatement. As much as I want to be angry with you, not because you left the way you did but because you stayed gone, I instead find myself growing fonder of you every single day. I haven't found time to be angry with you for leaving because I've lost so much of it just thinking of your face." I breathe for what feels like the first time since I've started talking.

"I've known for longer than you can imagine that you're the only one I want," the words rush from me, trying to keep time with the pace of my heart.

Xander opens her mouth to speak.

"I'm not finished. Please, just let me finish. This speech is six days in the making and it's fantastic so just hear me out, okay?"

Xander closes her mouth.

"I don't know what these past few days have been like for you. But if I've been on your mind at all, if you've found yourself hanging on to the few words I said to you when we were together last then I dare you to let me be your one and only."

Her aversion to love is evident in the panic emanating from her. I speak quickly to ease her fears.

"I promise I'm worthy." I eliminate all of the space between us. "All I'm asking for is a chance, Xander. I just want the opportunity to prove I'm the one who can be there with and for you until."

"Until what?" her words are a whisper.

"Until nothing. There will never come a time, a point, or a circumstance in which I will relinquish the honor of being that person for you."