A mysterious transfer student who captures everyone's hearts and an identity that only he seems to know, Jungkook is a new student at Bangtan High who's popularity climbs to the near top the moment he walks in.
Jimin is part of a long time ulzzang...
His lips grazed against the edge of mine but I didn't pull away.
Deep down, was this what I wanted all along?
To hug him, to laugh with him, to be with him...
Perhaps I was mistaken about my own emotions.
I didn't push him away in the past because I didn't have feelings for him. I pushed him away because I was afraid.
I was afraid of what people would think and say about us. The things they would do and how they would shun not just me...but also Jungkook.
I wasn't afraid of him, I was afraid for him.
There was nothing about me that would make me qualified to be with him. I wasn't smart or strikingly handsome and I was chubby and bullied.
I had no confidence to call my own.
So what would they say about Jungkook? Would they hurt him too if he's with me?
Worry plagued my consciousness...so my mind opted to take the safe route out.
Running away from myself was something I thought was inevitable and chose to do.
But was it really unavoidable?
Maybe...I just never faced it head on.
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I know my answer now.
I wrapped my hands around Jungkook's neck and kissed him back, our lips meeting for a moment and then leaving.
His eyes shone in the light and there was a faint look of surprise on his face.
"I'm not going to lie to you anymore," I whispered, hugging him in my arms. "I'm not going to lie to myself anymore."
When I chose the path of safe over risk, I ran as if I were a toxin to humanity. I took myself and ran as far as I could so that I would not contaminate any one else.
But, I kept going back, writhing in endless pain.
To seek an antidote from the same person who was poisoning me.
To find the person...I held dear to my suffering heart.
Sometimes, I would ask myself what would've happened if I stayed at Busan Arts High.
What would have happened...if I didn't leave?
Memory #5 (2 years ago)
I had stopped attending class most of the time and wandered around a park or the school with no purpose to fulfill. The teacher's lessons at Busan Arts became garbled words in my head and I couldn't focus in those environments.
One time...I tried climbing the fence of the rooftop. I fell and didn't reach the top.
Would things be different if I did?
On a particular day, I came home to my mom screaming and yelling to my dad. When I stepped in and tried to diffuse the fire like always, she snapped at me, saying how useless I was rotting away at school and not going to class. She spouted out words that hurt more than a beating could ever. She shouted about how people bullied me because I was a weakling and not strong enough to even fight back.
That night, my mom left and they divorced.
My dad had an opportunity in Seoul a few days later so in the middle of the night, we got on the train and traveled to there away from Busan, carrying what we had left.
I never got to say goodbye but I didn't need to.
No one would miss me anyway.
They wouldn't even notice.
I started anew in Seoul and made an attempt to become someone noteworthy. I slimmed down and built my life back up with a sweet reputation. I graduated and went on to University, where I met Tae and the others.
The rest...leads up to now.
~ ~ ~
I took in a shaky breath and let go of Jungkook slowly, seeing his worried expression.
"You screwed up in the past even if you didn't intend to and I know that I may not ever trust you fully again but my life has come to a point where I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't move without being eaten alive and torn to pieces as I march forward alone. In this game of life," I whispered. "What more can I do when it has come to a stalemate?"
His hand reached up to head and traveled down to my face, cupping my cheek
"The only way you can lose is to give up on yourself," he said, wiping at my tears.
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