#12 :: A Change Of Heart.

61.

TIA

As I sat in my car I contemplated turning around and not going through with this. But that would have been me chickening out. I made the decision to sleep with two guys. Now I have to tell them both that they might be a father. I really hoped Blaze wasn't the father. I literally hate him. This is why I was outside his house first. I wanted to get this out the way. I had no intentions on seeing him again until it was time to do the test. I knocked his door and waited for him to answer.

"Hey. Thought you would have used your key."

"For what? That reminds me..." I said as I took his key out my bag and gave it to him. "...They are your keys to your house."

"T..."

"Look, I came here for a reason so let me say what I gotta say and I'll be on my way."

"You ain't gotta be like that T. You want a drink or anything?" Blaze asked.

"No. I'm good." I said.

"Okay... want to go sit down?"

"Nope. I like being close to the door. So yeah... I had hoped I wouldn't have to see you again... but things don't always work out in my favour. Anyway... I'm here to tell you that I'm pregnant..." before I could finish his eyes lit up and he came towards me.

"Really? You have no idea how happy hearing this has made me! I know you hate me right now but with you being pregnant I'm going to do everything to prove to you how much I love you and how badly I want this to work."

An evil smile took residence.

Oh this is going to be bitter sweet.

"Slow down Blaze. That's not all I have to say. That's only part. The other part is... it may or may not be your baby..."

"Bitch what?"

"You... you wasn't the only person I slept with. I got caught up one night when you wasn't around with an old flame. Then it just kept on happening..." I said.

I did not feel guilty at all. Karma is a bitch and her name is Tia.

"Da fuck you telling me Tia? You fucking next niggas when you was fucking me? Are you crazy? You know what the hell im about Tia? I'll kill ah nigga for messing with me and mines! DA FUCK WAS YOU THINKING? OUT HERE BEING SOME HOE!!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yooooo!! You're big mad ain't you! Funny that! You mad that I fucked another nigga but what was you doing with yo baby momma? The baby momma you never told me about? THE KIDS YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT!! FUCK YOU BLAZE!! I came here to tell you because it's the right thing to do. I'll call you when it's time to do a paternity test!"

"You think this is over? You think you can just walk out my house and everything will be okay? YOU FUCKED ANOTHER NIGGA WHEN WE WAS TOGETHER!!"

"HOW DOES IT FEEL?"

"What?"

"How does it feel knowing I cheated on you? No need to answer. But now you know... twice you've done this to me! I really hope to GOD you ain't the father to my baby. To know I'll be stuck with you for the rest of their life! That was the whole reason I got rid of my first baby!" I said shocking myself.

Dammit! You wasn't meant to let that slip Tia!

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. I'm out!" I said as I opened the door to leave but Blaze slammed it shut.

"Tia... you got rid of what baby?"

I stood there looking at him. I didn't want to say anything but I knew he wouldn't have let me go.

"When we broke up...years ago, I found out I was pregnant. I was too young to be a mom and I was mad at you. I hated you. So I had an abortion. Something I have always hated myself for. Now I'm pregnant again and again you could be the father. I really hope you are not. You have no idea how much I hate you. Now move out of my way, I don't need no stress and this here, being around you, just seeing your FACE... it stresses me. Don't contact me. I'll contact you." I said to him.

I didn't know I could be so cold but I guess where Blaze was concerned he's pushed me to my limit.

"Cool Tia. I hear you loud and clear. Just know you're fucked up and I'll never forgive you for this."

"Really? Thank God for that. Bye Blaze." I said as I left.

*****

"You want a drink?" Kenan asked me as I sat down.

"Yes please."

This situation was different. I had grown to get to known Kenan on more than a just sexual basis. He was really attentive. He was in fact everything I would want in a man. This wasn't just me potentially changing his life but it was also me losing a friend. I knew that if the baby was Blaze...Kenan would never talk to me again.

"You okay T... you don't look too good."

"No... I'm not okay... I've been real stupid. Acted in a way and done things I would never do. Now I'm having to pay the price..."

"What you on about?"

"So..."

I told Kenan everything. From seeing Blaze the first time, to getting with him, to the time I saw Kenan in the club and sleeping with him even though I was with Blaze. I even told him out finding out about Blaze and him having kids and a baby mother who he still sleeps with. See, that's the thing about Kenan, I'm able to talk to him about everything and feel so comfortable. It excites me but scares me at the same time.

"... Everything would have been okay if I didn't mess up on my contraception. I missed the pill a few times and now I'm... I'm pregnant with no idea who the father is..."

"You're what? Wait. You was fucking your ex whilst fucking me? Raw? What do you mean everything would have been okay? So wait...because you chose to leave him because he cheated on you... AGAIN. You would have kept that a secret had you not go pregnant? Now you want what? For me to be understanding?"

"I know you're mad and I understand..."

"Mad? Yo. I'm pissed off! You don't understand shit Tia! All you understand is how to be a HOE. Yo check it. All I ever wanted to do was love you, make you my girl, treat you how you deserve to be treated. But it's clear you ain't ready for that. You are still young and I keep forgetting that. So you know what. Contact me when you give birth. Until then... I don't wanna see you and I don't want to speak to you. See yourself out." He said as he got up and walked off.

I knew he would have been mad but I wasn't expecting this. As soon as I got in my car I cried. I fucked up. All this time I wasn't trying to be with Kenan but lately I had been having a change of heart. Now I've realised he is the one, I've gone and blown it. Reality kicked in even more that I was about to be a mother... a single one at that.

Oh My God. What have I done?

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