#12 :: A Change Of Heart.

55.

NIA

The amount of times I've called to book for an abortion and then hang up. I can't do it. But I don't want to be having his baby. I never thought just as my career has reached its peak that my personal life would be at such an all time low. I'm still off sick and I think Joe is about to run out of patience.

I've been staying at a hotel because I started becoming a total wreck every time my door would knock. Since my pregnancy has been confirmed all I do is throw up and sleep. Every time I drop asleep someone is banging off my door. So whilst I work on looking for somewhere else to live this hotel will have to do. I'm here under Vanessa's name. I've been using her card details and putting money in her account in order for me to stay here. But that just means I now have to face her and my sister. As much as I don't want to be around people I really need their advice. No offence to Dayna and Lexy but I can't have too many people around me trying to advise me. I've just spent over a month hiding away from the world.

I had to get a new phone because Latrell is insane! One minute he's messaging me saying he's sorry and misses me and the next I'm a dumb bitch who shouldn't ignore him. That's another reason I had to go stay at a hotel. He kept threatening to kick my door in. All because I didn't want to hear him out. I was really scared to tell the girls everything that happened but I knew I had to tell someone. I know my twin is most probably going insane.

There was a knock at the door and I took a deep breath before opening the door.  As soon as I opened it Tia hugged me so tight. Something was wrong with her. She only ever hugs me this tight when something is wrong. I've been so wrapped up in my own shit and it's clear my twin has needed me.

"Heyyy... don't cry. I'm okay..."

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WHAT'S GOING ON? I'VE BEEN GOING INSANE!! MOM AND DAD COULDNT GET THROUGH TO YOU!! HAD TO STOP THEM CALLING THE COPS!!"

"Shouting isn't going to help neither of you. Talk to her Tia." Vanessa said.

Tia sighed.

"Nia... I feel your pain! Just... just talk to us please."

I didn't even realise I was crying until I tried to speak and my voice croaked.

"I'm sorry.."

"Don't be sorry Nia... just tell us what's wrong. We haven't seen or spoken to you since the day we left you before you went to the dinner." Vanessa said.

"Yeah. Latrell hits me up asking me if I've spoken to you and when I ask him what's going on he says he wish he knew. So? What's going on."

"Have a seat..." I told them and then I told them everything.

"Nah... Latrell? Really?" Tia said.

"Yep."

"So is this why you disappeared? You didn't want no one to see your face?"

"Yep. It's all gone down now... but this was the day it all happened." I said as I gave them my phone showing them a picture of my badly beaten face.

"Oh my God!" They both said.

"... and now I'm pregnant and I don't want to keep it; but I can't go along with it. But how can I have a baby for a man that is insane? He will be in my life forever!"

"But that's not the baby's fault. You having an abortion could break you. It's not something people just forget." Vanessa said.

"You know I'm going to tell you not to do it. Look how it broke me. Look at the woman I've become. That was all because I had an abortion. To this day it still bothers me. That's was five years ago sis. It's not going to be easy but we are all here to support you. If Latrell thinks he is going to come anywhere near you or the baby he will have another thing coming!" Tia said.

"I don't even want him to know."

"You've got to tell him. It's the right thing to do. But you don't owe him nothing else. He can fuck off. I knew I didn't like him for a reason." Vanessa said.

"You didn't?" Tia asked Vanessa.

"There was something about him from the first time Nia told me about him. I just thought he had an obsessive controlling side to him. I left it though because Nia was happy and I thought maybe I was wrong."

"But you wasn't and I wish I listened."

"Listen... I'm not here to be doing "I told you so" no. The main thing is you are okay now and so is the baby. But this right here? This isn't your life. You need to get a hold back on YOUR life. Come out of hiding. YOU have done nothing wrong! You're going to be showing soon and you've already just been MIA for a month. You better start booking maternity shoots or you're going to have to put your career on pause."

"See! This is what I'm saying! Once I become a mom that's it! It's not just me anymore! I can't do this! I'm not ready!"

That was the truth. My life was about to take a completely different course and I really didn't know if I was ready.

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