Come Together: The Beatles Talkshow

Lovely Rita

John: Today, we have a special guest who won the contest to be on this show by writing a wonderful essay! Rita from Wazzpad!

Paul: Er, John? I think it's Wattpad.

John: How does that make any sense? What does it mean?

George: What does "Wazzpad" mean, John?

John: It means . . . Well, it makes a lot more sense than Wattpad!

Ringo: How?

Paul: Let's move on with this interview!

Ringo: All right-y, then. Rita, what's up with your love for WG?

George: What's "WG" stand for?

Paul: Wonderful gardens?

John: *jazz hands.* Weight gain!

Paul: *horrified.* What?!?

Ringo: Shut up, you three! *looks at Rita.* Rita.

Rita: Well, I always thought fat animals were cute, so why not make the Beatles cuter by making them fat?

George: Fat animals are cute.

Paul: *crosses his arms.* But not fat Beatles.

Ringo: What are you talking about, Paul? A beetle is an animal.

Paul: *face-palm.*

John: Really, Ringo? He meant us! Not a bunch of bugs!

Ringo: Oh . . .

George: Sweet, ignorant Ringo.

John: Next question. How did you get so many Beatles books?

Rita: I got them at the local library.

Paul: Ah. Libraries are great, aren't they?

Ringo: You're giving them back, right? You're not one of those people who just keeps them forever and never pays the fine, are you?

George: She probably knows more about us than we do!

John: *narrows his eyes at Rita.* I find that hard to believe. Quick! You've got one second! What's my favorite color?

Rita: Green.

John: What's my middle name?

Rita: Winston Ono.

Paul: You're asking too easy of questions, John. Here's a harder one: Who was Linda's favorite Beatle?

George: Ooh! Ooh! *raises his hand.* I know this one.

Ringo: Really? I don't.

Paul: *glares at them.* Let her answer.

Rita: John.

John: I am everyone's favorite Beatle.

Paul: No, you're not! I'm everyone's favorite Beatle.

Ringo: Well, if you want to get technical about it, I was everyone's favorite Beatle first.

John and Paul: Shut up, Ringo!

George: I think I'm really everyone's favorite Beatle.

Paul: You're mistaken—

John: *shouts.* Enough with the favorite Beatle-ing! One last question for Rita: Did you get Sean and I anything our birthday?

Rita: I got Sean a toy walrus, and for you I got a ticket to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

John: Really? Sean loves walruses just like me, so this will make him happy! And I've been wanting to go to the Rock Hall. Thank you!

Paul: How come he gets to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?

George: Because it's his birthday present.

Paul: Well, why didn't I get one?

George: Because it's not your birthday, you sod! Yours was in June!

Ringo: *hurriedly.* That's all for this episode! I'm glad you got to be on the show, Rita.

John: Yeah, it was great, Rita! *looks smugly at Paul.* I got a ticket to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Paul: Oh, shut up!

John: *tauntingly.* And you don't have one!

Paul: I said shut up!

John: Don't you wish you had one?

Paul: *grabs John's shirt and starts shaking him.*

George: *ignores them and waves.* Bye, Rita!