Come Together: The Beatles Talkshow

Best Bum

I was inspired to write this goofy chapter after reading You-You-You 's one-shot about Paul's butt! You should to read that as well, because it's absolutely hilarious!

John: I have a quick question for all the fans out there.

Paul: *sarcastic* Ooh, boy. This ought to be fantabulous.

George: Since when do you say "fantabulous"?

Paul: Since right now.

Ringo: It's kind of fun to say. Fantabulous. Fantabulous. *puffs chest out and deepens voice* Fantabulous. Fantab —

John: *yells* Stop it before I rip out my hair!!!!

Ringo: Just one more . . . Fantabulous.

Paul: I want to get one more in too. Fantabulous.

George: *shrugs* I haven't said it yet. Fantabulous.

John: *heavy breathing* Are you three done yet?

Paul, George, and Ringo: Fantabulous.

Ringo: Okay, now we're done.

John: Good. Now, a question for all of our fans . . . Drumroll, please, Ringo.

Ringo: *drums drumsticks on table*

John: Which of us, in your opinion, has the best rear?

George: *flatly* What.

Ringo: THAT'S your question?

John: Yes. It's been weighing me down for weeks.

Paul: Well, it's obviously a no-brainer who they would say: me.

John: What? No! They wouldn't say you. *smirks* They would definitely say me.

Ringo: No, I think mine is worthy of some attention.

George: *clears throat* Excuse me. I think my buns of steel are more qualified than any of yours.

Paul: *snorts* Everyone knows that the birds go for guys with lots of junk in the trunk, not guys with virtually no butt.

George: Are you saying I don't have a butt?

Paul: Yes.

John: He's right. Have you ever seen yourself? Get a mirror, for God's sake. There's nothing back there! Pathetic, if you ask me. This, on the other hand . . . *stands up and turns his rear toward the audience and the camera*

Audience: *faints*

Cameraman: *faints*

Viewers Watching at Home: Wowza!

John: *sits back down quite smugly* Case closed.

Ringo: No, no, no. Mine is better. Look at this, people! *turns around*

Audience:

Cameraman:

Viewers Watching at Home: Hey, honey, what's on the cooking channel?

Paul: We just lost hundreds of viewers to FoodNetwork because of you!

Ringo: Well, I'm sorry!

George: I could watch some FoodNetwork right now.

John: Shut up, Harrison! Now, where was I?