Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

ten

"I'm Alex, Justin's nothing."

•••

I walked into the house and went into the kitchen, finally remembering where it was. This house was just too damn big. Pattie still sat on the stool at the island and when I saw her I widened my eyes. I remembered I had just smoked a cigarette and you could probably smell the smoke just running through your nose. I turned around to walk out of the kitchen, but was stopped by sudden surprise.

"I know you're a smoker Alex and I don't care. It's addictive and if you really want to use those things and harm your lungs more the power to you!" She said and I turned around to face her, my eyes shut tightly.

I waited a second before opening one eye.

"Really?" I asked and opened both eyes as I saw her nod, and I made my way over to her.

"I'd rather you do that then, do the other... stuff." She said and pulled me into a tight hug.

It took me awhile to to wrap my arms around her, but after a few seconds I did and gave her just as big as a hug. It was nice to know that someone didn't judge you about what you have gone through. I felt comfortable in her arms knowing that she was an understanding person. I never really had that back home in Stratford.

I had a few friends, but I wouldn't call them friends. They were more like aquantinces. They didn't even know what I did behind the school doors, if I even came. Most of my friends were the bad people. The people who I would get high or drunk with.

So, in reality nobody cared about me and everyone judged. Even my own mother didn't care. Well, it seemed to be that way. I mean look where she sent me! To another country away from her. She got rid of me so she never cared. This overdose was just an excuse to finally get rid of me.

I really don't think she ever wanted me. Well, at least after my dad died. He died because of drug overdose when I was about thirteen. Justin was the only one there for me. My mom locked herself in her room for about three weeks and when she finally did come out, she barely payed attention to me. It always seemed like she didn't care. She took to the bottle and I forced to take care of myself for a year. She finally got better after one of my aunts told her she needed to take care of herself so she could take care of me. I wondered what happened to her...

I mean look, she didn't even know I did crystal meth! It took her long enough to figure it out and it had to be figured out when I finally did overdose and I was on my death bed. I just don't understand. I thought mothers were always suppose to detect the littlest things wrong, but she only cared a year after my fathers death.

I wouldn't even call what she would say caring though. She woud never disipline me, only yell at me. I got away with a lot of shit and I'm not complaing about it, but sometimes you feel the need to be disiplined. You need that attention, but my mom never gave me that.

"You seriously have no idea how much that means to me Pattie." I whispered into her ear and she pulled away to look me in my eyes.

It wasn't until she wiped at my face that I realized I had been crying. I smiled a little and so did she before we pulled away laughing at each other slightly.

"Would you like something to eat?" She asked me walking over to the fridge.

"Yes please, but if you wouldn't mind I'd like to go wash up my face." I laughed and she turned around smiling and nodding her head.

I really don't understand why I hated Pattie when I was back home. She was always like a mother to me and always cared. Maybe it was because of Justin. I had so much anger bottled up inside of me because of him and I still do. Looking back at that I realize that I was stupid for ever hating her.

But that doesn't mean I'll stop hating Justin.

I started to walk into the bathroom connecting between me and Justin's room, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I furrowed my eyebrows together wondering who that could be and approached the door. When I opened it I was in complete surprise.

There stood Justin and Selena Gomez. Justin looked annoyed leaning on the wall and Selena was smiling brightly.

"Yes?" I asked her crossing my arms over my chest.

I really didn't feel the need to be bothered by anyone at this point. Something was going through my head after that talk with Pattie and I needed thinking time. I just wanted to be alone but it never seemed that I could be. Someone or something was always bothering me.

"I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Selena Gomez, Justin's girlfriend." She said sticking her hand out for me to shake.

I looked back at Justin and saw that he had rolled his eyes. He was probably annoyed at the fact Selena was being nice to me. Well, I hate to say this and all, but I was never a fan of Selena, but at that moment I just wanted her and him to go away.

"I'm Alex, Justin's nothing." I smiled sticking my hand out and shaking it quickly.

Justin scoffed as I said those words, but Selena only looked confused. A smirk came across my lips as I realized Justin never told her we hated each other.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Justin didn't tell you? We hate each other and will never ever like each other. We don't know each other and never will. I don't want to. He is a stupid jerk who is full of himself, and I myself want nothing to do with him. Now, if you'll excuse me I have some things to take care of. Nice meeting you Selena!" I spoke before looking at Justin with a glare. "See you rat!" I said and slammed the door.

"Well, that was interesting." I could hear Selena say as her and Justin's feet could be heard shuffling down the hallway. "Why do you hate each other? I thought you guys just met yesterday."

I scoffed and walked into the bathroom, looking at myself through the mirror. Justin was so stupid and I could only imagine the response he was giving her.

I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach, and my brain was pounding against my head. My body itched for it at that moment. It craved for the thing that I promised never to touch again. I looked at my face and saw that it had suddenly gotten really pale. It looked like snow.

'You need me Alex, c'mon come get me.'

'You know you want to taste me Alex, you want to feel me again..'

I began to feel light-headed as the words echoed throughout my mind. I needed it. I need the meth. I looked at myself one last time in the mirror before my body began to feel helpless and weak. Everything was happening so suddenly when I fell to the floor. I could feel my eyelids start to get heavy as the sweat trickled down my skin.

That's when everything went black.

•••

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