Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

chapter forty

"Why did you leave Justin?"

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I honestly didn't expect to feel this way. You would think that since my mother practically disowned me I wouldn't even care. You would think I would be happy, but this is reality and no matter how much it hurts to say, she was my mother. My mother was gone and I couldn't change that.

I sat down in the jet, looking out into the sky. I was completely spaced out from the world, and consumed in my thoughts. I was wearing only sweat pants and a hoodie, and my hair up in a messy bun. I didn't care that I probably looked disgusting right now and this would be all over the news. I just wanted to be alone.

To bad that wasn't happening.

Currently, as I was consumed in misery, Justin, Pattie and I were all sitting in the jet flying to the one and only, Stratford, Canada. My mother's funeral was being held tomorrow morning and we were obviously attending.

I didn't want to go back though. I felt like crawling into a corner, curling up into a ball and crying my eyes out. I didn't want to be around people, or be in contact with any living thing. But I knew that wasn't going to happen because I was known as 'Justin Bieber's girlfriend', something I was not, but known to be.

Camera's were always going to follow me around, and there was nothing I could do about it. By the looks of it, I was probably being watched, photographs were going to be everywhere calling me 'crazy looking', or saying 'what happened to her'. For all I know I probably looked as if I was dead. But I didn't care. My mother just died and I was bound to be in misery. Even though I shouldn't be, I was.

Looking out into the bittersweet night sky, I placed my head back on the seat. Tears started to brim in my eyes as memories of my mother came into my mind. I closed my eyes not wanting to feel the pain anymore. I didn't want to think anymore, so being the person I am, I closed my eyes forcing myself to fall into a hopeless sleep.

Justin's P.O.V

I sat in the jet watching as her eyes slowly shut and a tear slipped from her eyes. Seeing her crumple before me broke my heart into a million pieces. I tried my best not to pay attention to her, but that was hard when someone you care so deeply about is falling apart right before your own eyes.

She looked as if she was dead, as if all the soul in her was removed from her slowly. It took a lot in me to not go over there and embrace her in my arms. I knew she needed time to grieve and even though I didn't think she should go through something like this alone, my mother convinced me she needed it. She claimed Lexi needed the time to heal, but knowing Lexi from the past she was probably ripping herself apart on the inside.

Even though I know what I did to her in the past was horrible and I probably shouldn't even be caring, I did. She was my best friend and now that we've recovered from the past I want nothing more than to help her become happy. But now that her mother passed away that might just change everything.

Sighing to myself I laid my head back on the seat, drifting off into a sleep thinking of everything I can do to help Lexi get through this.

Next day

Alex's P.O.V

Looking in the mirror, I tied my hair back in a low ponytail causing it to fall back on the black dress. I was currently getting ready for my mother's funeral and I was about finished.

I sighed looking around the room I was currently standing in. It was a foreign feeling considering I was now standing in my real bedroom. A place I haven't seen for over a year, in my house. I didn't want to look around anymore knowing I would become even more sad, but as I finished with the ponytail, my eyes traveled along the pictures tapped upon the mirror.

Pictures of the past. Of my mom, dad, and I actually being a happy family. My father smiling down at my mother as I was engulfed in her arms. My father teaching me how to ride a bike, my parents holding each other. Just looking at the pictures made the inside of me tremble.

Times used to be so great before my father got into drugs. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault that he did them.

Maybe he wanted to die. Maybe he couldn't stand me anymore and decided he was going to end it. Maybe he didn't know that I was going to be left alone with a mom who would later leave me to be an orphan.

"Lexi are you in there?" I heard someone ask softly as three little knocks sounded on my bedroom door.

Wiping away the tear that slipped from eyes I coughed nodding my head. "Yeah, come in." I croaked out.

I moved away from the mirror going to sit on my bed as the door opened. Justin walked in giving me a small smile before shutting the door softly. I gave him a slight smile back as I sat on my bed only to begin fiddling with my fingers.

After a minute of silence Justin finally spoke up.

"I remember when we use to pull pranks down town and the cops would come to find us. We would always run here and climb through the window before we got caught." He said. I looked up to see him by the window, looking out of it as he shook his head with a slight smile on his face.

I nodded my head as he looked over at me. I stared back for a moment, but once I realized I was going to break down and cry I looked away only to burst out in tears. Justin came rushing over to me embracing me in his arms.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he rubbed my back pulling me closer to him.

"Why did things have to be this way?" I cried the tears silently flowing down my eyes.

"Why did my dad have to die? Everyday I wonder if he died only to leave me with my mother. I wonder if he wanted me to go through this pain, if he knew my mom would eventually die. Did he just leave me to crumble and not have no one?"

"That's not true. If there's one thing I remember is that your dad really loved you." He resurred me. "If there was someone that loved you more than I did back then, it was your dad."

I didn't know what to reply so I just nodded my head. I just let the words sink into my head before I nodded my head, trying to believe what he was saying.

"Plus, you have me." He added. "You have my mom, Fredo, Scooter and Kenny." He whispered into my ear thinking it would help, but it made me cry even more.

"Why did you have to leave Justin? I miss the way things use to be. I just wish you didn't have to leave. Maybe if you didn't leave I would have been happier." I silently cried as he cradled me into his arms.

He gripped me tighter and continued to rub my back. I sobed in his arms for a while longer before he finally responded.

"I'm so sorry Lexi. I promise though, I will never ever leave your side again."