Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

chapter twenty-eight

finally home. I missed my WiFi!!!

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I couldn't help but feel regret rush through me.

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I stopped dead in my tracks as my mothers words echoed through out back stage. I wasn't very sure if I heard her right, so I was letting the words sink into my mind. I stood there for about two seconds before turning on my heel and walking towards my mother. She had her hands covering her mouth and her eyes were wide as if she trying to cover up her words.

"What do you mean Lexi?" I furrowed my eye brows together and crossed my arms over my chest. My mother put her hands down and closed her eyes as if she was deciding whether or not to tell me something. But if this has something to with Lexi out of all people, I would like to know. I haven't seen my first love in forever and I was always searching for ways to know about her.

"Justin." My mom said as she put her head down shaking it. It was like she wasn't trying to tell me and I didn't like that.

"No, tell me. Why did you say Lexi?" I asked. By now I was becoming furious and it was only a matter of time before I was throwing things around and punching walls.

On top of that I was suppose to be on stage as we speak and my Beliebers were probably worrying. My mother's eyes met mine and they were filled with such sadness and guilt. I don't think I was ready for what she was about to confess.

"Justin, Alex. Alex is Lexi. She told me not to help you remember and I promised her I would." She spoke.

It was then that I froze in place completely. All the memories of Lexi and I passed through my brain and then when Alex arrived at my house. I knew she had seemed familiar to me. Her face was confusing to me because I thought I had seen it somewhere before.

All the times she use to tell me she did know me more than I thought and I refused to believe it. The time she ate turkey and peanut butter, that was something my Lexi did.

Then it completely hit me. When she told me about her past boyfriend who was a jerk and left her.

That was me.

Alex was Lexi.

I wanted to reply to my mom, but it was like the words were stuck in my throat and I turned mute. Next thing I knew I was being pushed toward the stage by my dancers. I didn't once break eye contact with my mother as the thoughts and realization swarmed through my mind.

I was pushed through the curtains and screams from my beliebers erupted through my ears. I was still caught off guard, but I knew I had to perform. I had to try my best to perform. The show must go on, but I couldn't help but feel regret rush through me.

Alex's P.O.V

The wind blew against my skin as I walked down the side of the road, causing chills to run up my spine. I was so cold and I forgot to bring my jacket. I was so angry and hurt that all I could do was run. I ran for a good 30 minutes and now here I am, walking down the side of the road in a new city of Italy.

I finally saw some light coming out of a building as I stopped in my tracks. I was rubbing my arms when I decided maybe I should walk to it, but as I grew near I started to get scared.

People were walking the streets full of dirt and a musk smell filled the air. There were several fires being lit off in trash cans that were surrounded by grown men. People were shouting at each other and running around with sticks in their hands. It scared me shit less and I wasn't sure if I should go any further.

"Hey baby, perché non vieni qui?" (Why don't you come over here?) A man spoke grabbing my arm. I didn't understand a word he said as he spoke in his thick Italian accent. I quickly ripped my arms away from him and stuck my middle finger up. I was scared of course, but I wasn't going to let it show.

"Hey ragazzi abbiamo ottenuto uno fiesty qui!" (Hey fellas, we have a fiesty one here) He laughed turning toward the men that were sitting by the fire. The men laughed with him as he walked back toward their crowd not paying me any mind anymore.

I sighed of relief as I walked away from them, still freezing cold. Every step I took people would stare at me intently. It was like I was prey in their eyes and I was terrified. Men kept grabbing my arms and saying things to me in the language, but I managed to run away. I was probably running when I bumped into a hard chest.

Acting upon reflex I begun to squirm in the persons arms as they screamed things in italian.

"Avete bisogno di aiuto? Calmati Io non ti farò del male!" (Do you need help? Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you) The man yelled at me but I didn't understand. For all I knew he was telling me how he was going to murder me. I wanted nothing more than to just return to the arena.

The man finally held my arms and got me to stop moving. I looked into his dark brown eyes with terror visible in mine. He started to scan my face than suddenly spoke in english with his italian accent still there.

"It is okay. I am not going to hurt you." He said to me. I stood still for a moment as he spoke those words. He could have just been telling me that to take me away after I earned his trust, but as I looked in his eyes I could see that he was not lying.

I nodded my head slowly as he begun to loosen his grip around my arms. Soon his arms fell back down to his sides and I rubbed the area where he held tightly. I knew there was going to be bruises but it was my fault for squirming too much.

"I will take you to a phone." He said. I looked up to meet his eyes and nodded my head. I honestly needed to use a phone because being me, I was stupid enough to leave my iPhone in the arena.

I followed his footsteps as he begun to walk away from the scary place. We walked through an alley way and I felt the smell of sewers creep up my body causing me to cover my nose. Why was a town like this existing? I thought all of Italy was as beautiful as Bologna.

We soon came to a hault in front of an old house. It had smoke coming through the chimney and I could smell food escaping through the windows. The man walked up the front porch steps and I followed behind. As we walked into his house I was not expecting what I was going to see.

Girls were lying across the floor with beer cups in there hands passed out. People were dancing with each other when there wasn't even music playing. The man made his way through the house toward what I'm thinking was the phone, but my eyes wandered and I saw something I thought I never would see again.

A boy was sitting on a couch with a mirror placed on his lap. There was a white substance on the mirror that he was scrapping into a row with a credit card before sucking it up his nose. My mouth begun to water at the sight and my hands started to twitch.

I found myself walking away from the strange man and toward the boy who was using. I stood in front of him digging my nails into my skin. I could just feel the sensation rushing through my body and I had not even touched it.

The boy looked up and looked at me weirdly, but I was not paying attention to him but rather the substance. He then smiled and handed me the mirror with the white substance and I quickly grabbed it. I moved over to sit next to the boy and pushed him out of the way. I didn't even want to use the straw because I knew it would take longer, so instead I scooped it up onto my finger and sucked it up my nose.

I immediately felt my body let loose and my muscles unstiffen. The stress and problems started to disappear and I was loving it. I missed the feeling of this beautiful substance. It made me feel weightless and I craved it even more. So that's what I did. I kept sticking it up my nose until finally it was gone.

Until my love, crystal meth was gone.