Sweet Nothing • (book one) jb

nineteen

Songs inspired for the chapter;

Human - Christina Perri

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pt.2

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I looked at Selena quickly before I averted my gaze down to the ground. The last thing I wanted to do was be here with her, alone. I quietly cursed to myself and shut my eyes. I could feel the tension just building up around us and it was not the least bit comfortable.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" She asked me.

I still kept my head low not once making eye contact with her. I was contemplating whether or not I should actually go with her. Maybe I could just run away from her. I thought that Scooter only sent us out here to calm down not to go for a walk. Running seemed like the better idea.

Besides, Selena was famous. She would most likely get recognized and chased all around the city of Miami. I don't really think that's a good thing considering it's almost eleven o'clock at night. However, it was like she was reading my thoughts when she spoke up.

"It could be our little secret. Nobody needs to know and I promise I'll try my best not to get recognized." She spoke.

Finally bringing my gaze up to her, I grazed my tongue across my teeth before slowly nodding my head. I guess I can't run now. Selena smiled and surprsingly hooked her arm onto mine. I didn't really feel like telling her off at the moment so I let her stay put.

As we were walking to God knows where, I couldn't help but to think of all of me and Justin's past arguements. I'll say that sometimes I feel like telling him the truth. I want to see if he'll remember what he said to me and if he'll even try to get forgivness. Not that I'll take his apology, but it sometimes frustrates me.

All the pain and suffering I went through my life was enough, but he just addded onto it. Coming here made my mind want only one thing. I wanted to make Justin's life a living hell and even as I was doing just that I couldn't help but to feel guilt within me.

Some of the things I say to him I know hurt him. Words hurt more than anything and that's a fact. Whoever came up with the saying, 'Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt you' was a damn liar.

Words are like knives being stabbed into your stomach and being twisted all around. It's like a huge bucket of toxic acid was dumped all over you, causing your body to burn right there. They hurt and sometimes can even be murderous.

But what he's done to me in the past hurt just like the acid being dumped on you. I believed he deserved it, but right now the guilt was overcoming my view on revenge and I kind of felt sick to my stomach. What was wrong with me?

"Are you alright?" Selena asked me.

I looked over my shoulder and into her eyes as if to say 'what are you talking about?'. But when she pointed at my face and a look of concern washed over her eyes I realized it. I was crying. The feeling within me had gotten so bad I was actually crying.

I don't really know what happened next, but all I know was Selena and I were now sitting on a bench. I had my head in the palm of my hands crying my eyes out. Selena's hand was rubbing up and down my back in a comforting manner, but I hardly acknowledged it.

Thoughts were swarming through my head and I could not get them to go away. I didn't know what else to do, I wanted them to go away. I wanted someone to listen and right now, she was here.

"When I was younger my father was a drug addict. He overdosed when I was 13. I found him dead." I lifted my head and tried my best to wipe my tears but they only kept fallng.

"You don't have to tell-" Selena started but I cut her off.

"But I want to." I said and she nodded her head.

"Something happened a few years later and a person told me something that made me who I am today. I turned to drugs just like my father. I turned out just like him. I haven't told anyone else this, but the only reason I'm here is because I overdosed and my mom sent me away."

Selena gasped beside me and pulled my into a hug. I chuckled and wrapped my arms back around her giving her a quick hug before puling away.

"But I'm here now, and I can't help but think of the past when it's coming back to haunt me." I whispered.

I wasn't ready to tell Selena the full story about it. I wasn't prepared to tell her 'oh, your boyfriend was my first love and when he left to become famous he told me to go pop some pills and being the dumb girl I am, I listened. Oh, and now he doesn't remember me and I want to make his life a living hell.'

Nope. I wasn't going to do that.

Selena wrapped her arms around me as the tears came flooding back out of my eyes. I don't know why, but suddenly I felt comfortable around her. I felt like I could tell her anything... I don't get it. Why was I suddenly feeling this way?

"You don't need to tell me anymore because I can see it in your eyes it hurts you to talk about." She whispered. "I promise I won't tell anybody either, Alex. You can trust me."

I moved away from her as she stood up. I stood up beside her and hooked arms with her.

"You can't run away forever. Someday you're gonna have to face the past, it always comes back. It will either turn out good or bad, but things happen for a reason. You're strong and I can see that. If you've made it this far I believe you can make it even further."

I nodded my head as I could feel the tears begin to dry on my cheeks. I let her words sink into my mind and I knew she was right.

I can't run away forever.