By your side. -- TROYLER / INCOMPLETE

Inner Monologue ~

    Food, food, food. Gotta get food. Troye, Troye, Troye. My babe needs to get better. This has been going on for a week and a half now, it has to stop soon. I don’t think he’ll even eat what I give to him. He started off skinny and now he keeps getting skinnier, he’s so weak. He feels so fragile when I hold him in my arms. Jesus Christ, I really do love that kid. I hope nothing bad’s happened since I’ve been gone. I need to walk quicker, times ticking. I know Zoe and Alfie are there, and I trust them; I really do; but I don’t want to get a call saying something horrible happened. I need to be there if anything happens. I’m getting so anxious, being away from his side. I should’ve asked them to go get food as I stayed there, but NO, I just had to have the idea of leaving. Leaving the light of my life that kept getting dimmer.

    No, don’t think like that Tyler. Everything’s going to be okay. If anything happens, we’ll seek professional help immediately. Right now it’s something that should go away in the next few days on its own… Right? I sure as hell hope so.

    I need bread and bananas and juice and… nutella? Sure, what the fuck ever. Maybe it’ll make him happier. I need something that I can get him to eat with actual nutrients though, not just a chocolate spread. I can make him protein shakes. Yeah, that’s good. What do I need for that? Protein powder, fruit, milk, ice cream? Yup, even I want ice cream. I’m getting that.

    I kinda think I should get pudding too. It’s a light snack and I’m probably going to end up eating some too. What else do I need? I could get hummus. I shivered. God dammit, that disgusting fanfiction.

    I miss kissing the little punk. I miss not having to wash my hands after I even just touch him. I miss being able to cuddle him without holding my breath. I miss when he was happy. I miss when he wasn’t sick. I miss when I was happy seeing him smile and having it be real and not forced. I miss when he said I love you and didn’t cough after like he was gonna die.

    Die. I clutched my heart for a second. That won’t be happening. Especially not in this day and age. But what if it did? I know it won’t, but… No no no no no. Shake the thought, Tyler. You don’t need to think about losing your baby. Losing the light of your life. Your world.

Without him, I’d have nothing.

    In that very moment I realized something.

I’d have nothing because Troye’s my everything. I love him with all my heart.