By your side. -- TROYLER / INCOMPLETE

Tension.

    --Tyler’s POV--

We got home.

    I didn’t really know what to think or what to say. It was hard for me to conform with the words I wanted to say because I had so many mixed emotions.

    I wanted to strangle him and make-out with him at the same time. Not literally.

I love him but at the same time I hated how much he loved me back. He just went to terribly extreme measures because he saw a picture of me ‘kissing’ someone else.

    I could feel the tension in the air between us. I carried him out of the car and into the house, setting him down on the couch.

    “Food, or did the stomach pump make you lose your appetite?” I questioned him.

“I think the thing that made me lose my appetite the most was seeing you with someone else.”

    “I already told you that I am not with whoever the fuck that was. I am with you and only you."

    “How.. how would you describe love to me?”

I sat down beside him and had him lean his head on my shoulder. “Love in general?”

    “Yeah.”

“I would describe love as…. a weird feeling you get in your stomach. Like; a really really good feeling that you don’t want to go away because you feel happy and nervous and sick and flustered all at the same time. Love is like a warm welcome home after leaving for a long time. That person makes you smile until your cheeks hurt and cry until your eyes are red because that’s how emotionally connected you are with each other. It’s pain and more pain, the pain hurts so much but you still want it. You laugh together, you fall apart together. You’re just.. great together. You can talk with each other for hours, not even wanting to fall asleep. Because if you fall asleep, you might be without them for a bit… and you don’t want that.”

    “So what you’re saying is… love is pretty much the greatest feeling you can have?”

“Yeah, I’d agree with you on that.”

    “So… is that how you feel about me?”

“Fuck no, especially not right now." It was a joke. I was joking, right?

    “Oh.” His voice cracked and he took his head off my shoulder.

“C’mon, it was a jo--...” I just trailed off and didn’t finish the sentence. Why was I doing this? “I’m gonna go make some sandwiches.”

    “Can you carry me to our room?”

“Why do you need me to-... whatever.” I scooped him up bridal-style and carried him to our room.

    We had barely even kissed since he got out of the hospital. The reason was just so nerveracking that it’s like he was unapproachable. But yet… he totally was approachable. And I could see that he wanted me to pretend like nothing happened, but I couldn’t do that. I’ve been doing that for too long.

    When he was lying down and had his eyes closed, I went out to the kitchen. Then I opened a cabinet that he wouldn’t expect them to be in, and stuck all the pills in there. From now on, the only pills he would be having is when I gave them to him and he was out of the room to not see where I had them hidden.

    So now I had all the razors hidden from him and his medication. Wonderful.

I went back into the room.