By your side. -- TROYLER / INCOMPLETE

First Month of Meds.

-- Troye's POV --

Can I say the first month was emotionally grueling for me? Because it definitely was.

I knew that it was worse for him though.

    The pain I was experiencing was only because I had to watch Tyler go through the tremendous hassle of taking care of me every day.

    I felt so bad for him. Some days I wanted to just die so that he wouldn’t have to worry about caring for me anymore. Then he could live a normal, happy life without someone like me dragging him down.

    He couldn’t do anything because of me. I mean; he technically still could; but he refused to. He barely drank anymore. He didn’t party.

    Whenever he made a video he had to pretend to act happy and not rush through it.

When he edited them he was lying next to me petting my hair and getting up every few minutes to do something for me.

    I hated being such an annoyance. I knew that it probably wasn’t like that for him, because of how much he’s said he loves me, but I love him too.

    And considering the fact that I love him, I didn’t enjoy in the slightest seeing him have to put his life on hold to take care of me.        

    I was just some kid in his bed that was taking away months from the time he got to spend doing something interesting.

    I liked it when we got to go and hang out with our friends instead of him having to invite them over whenever he went out somewhere to sit by his bed and watch over me.

    He hid all the razors in his bathroom and just in case I tried to look for them and found them there was the ‘stand by the door’ rule. Great.

    I felt insulted that he couldn’t trust me but at the same time I could understand where he was coming from.

    If I was in the same position as him I would’ve probably done the same thing or something similar. If he tried to harm himself like that I wouldn’t want him to have accessibility to whatever he used to hurt himself.

    So I guess I forgave him.

I didn’t really have a choice not to, though. He was my boyfriend that was throwing his life away to look after me while I was a sick mess.

    I was horrid.

Tyler had to walk me into the bathroom once and he stood beside me as I looked at my face in the mirror. He held my hand to give me support and I placed my other hand on the counter.

    Then, when I began to cry, he spun me into his arms and pressed his lips against my neck.

    “Hey, hey… You’re perfect. Okay baby? Look at me.” He turned my head towards him and gazed into my eyes.

    “You’re perfect.”

“Ty, I’m so far from per--”

    “Troye, don’t you even say that. You’re the most beautiful person, ill or not ill, I’ve ever laid eyes on. I don’t care that you’re sick or that you have tuberculosis, that doesn’t make you any less a great part of my life.”

    “But Tyler, I’m a waste of your ti--”

“You aren’t a waste of my time. You’re the way I should be spending my time. You’re the love of my life. I want to spend all my time with you. Whether it be going out and drinking or staying home for months and I have to give you ten pills every day to make you feel better, then so be it.”