By your side. -- TROYLER / INCOMPLETE

How I feel.

-- Troye's POV --

Cold water dripped down my hands and fingers. I watched it trickle into the sink and go down the drain. Everything was slow. Nothing was okay.

It was like I was alone except with my everything standing beside me.

My world was crashing down. I felt horrible.

I felt disgusting, and I felt weak. Hell; I didn’t feel weak. I was weak. I was fragile and breakable. I was small and scared. I was helpless.

I didn’t understand what had happened. And whatever happened, why it happened to me.

I felt Tyler’s arms around me and I felt the warmth of the blanket. But I felt like I was about to collapse. I could barely keep standing.

    As Tyler turned the water off and I blinked, my eyes stayed closed. And I felt myself fall. Fall to the ground, but it felt like I was falling into a deep, dark hole. One that I couldn’t climb out of.   

    I heard Tyler scream as a faint echo in my head, and I so much wanted to look into his eyes and tell him I was okay.

    Except I wasn’t okay.

And my eyes were closed.

    So please just hold me.

Hold me and don’t let me go.

    I’m scared, Ty. I’m scared. Why can’t I tell you that I’m scared?

I want my freedom back. I want my independence and I want my dignity.

    Up or down, everything is invisible. Everything is confusing.

I’m trying to look for a way out, but there is none.

    I’d reach out for you but my arms won’t move.

I can’t get a moment of peace because the silence in my head is louder than anything you could hear.

    I’m frightened and I want Tyler. I need Tyler.

Then I finally opened my eyes in the comfortable place that was Tyler’s bed.

    “Ty?”

Tyler jumped up and wrapped his arms around me. “Oh… Thank God, baby.”

    I couldn’t help but smile when he said and did that.

I was also happy I was awake again. I got scared when everything blacked out.

    “How-- how long was I out?”

Tyler unwrapped his arms from around me and looked at me, answering my question. “Two hours.”

    “Hey… I just wanted to tell you something important. I haven’t said it ever really, and…”

    “Hm?” He smoothed my hair back.

“I-I… love you Tyler.”

    His lips touching mine, making me warmer than I already was. His kisses instantly making me feel better. I don’t care the situation, I don’t care what’s going on. If he kisses me, I’m his for that moment. I cherish those moments.

    He pulled away from the kiss and then kissed my forehead softly.

“I love you too. I love you a lot.”

    He touched his nose to mine and smiled at me, leaning down more and pecking me on the mouth again before going around the other side to get into the bed with me.

    He hugged me from behind as I was turned on my side.

“Hey… Can you, like, really kiss me or am I too sick for that?”

    “You’re never too sick.”

He leaned in and kissed me passionately.

    “But we aren’t using tongue.”

I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Because I’m sorta scared of what will happen.”

I just barely rolled my eyes at him. But then I kissed his cheek and he smiled at me.

    I have to be okay with him when he smiles at me.