The Jon Solo Chronicles Book 3: Return of the Jedi

Chapter 5: Sentencing

When Jon next awoke, it was due to one of his own nightmares. He'd been dreaming about the cross-guarded lightsaber again. And it now confused him more than ever.

He looked over at Han, who had fallen back asleep, too. Light from above bathed his face. He looked so peaceful, almost angelic, if it were even possible for Jon to use such a word to describe his father. But then the younger Solo thought the elder one seemed a bit too still.

"Oh, no," Jon said quietly. "Dad's not dead, is he? Please don't let him be dead. I don't wanna loose him again, for good this time, after just getting him back." Han was breathing, but very slowly and deeply. When Jon felt for a heartbeat, he found it to have stabilized from earlier. These seemed like signs of improvement. Then Han opened his eyes, and sat up.

"Can you see again now, Dad?" asked Jon, a hopeful edge to his voice. Surely, sleeping would have helped his father's eyesight.

"No, I'm still blind as Hell," Han replied.

"Oh," said Jon, his spirits falling again. "I'm sorry, Dad."

"What are you apologizing for, Jon?" asked Han. "It's not your fault I'm sick and blind. And don't blame yourself for me being gone a year, or all the stuff that happened on Bespin, either. You aren't responsible for any of it. Do you understand me?"

Jon swallowed. He'd spent an entire year blaming himself, and really believing that it was actually his fault. But now his father was telling him that this wasn't the case. Jon knew he should feel glad about that, for Han's reassurances. For some reason, though, the guilt still lingered within him. Maybe it had to do with Han still not quite being in the best of health. Or, and Jon was loathe to admit it, perhaps he was still traumatized by being hit by his father.

"I understand, Dad," said Jon. "I just...want you to get better. Ok? And earlier, you hi-had a nightmare. I overheard you. Can you remember what you dreamed of? Like, do you wanna talk about it? Because you kept screaming things like 'It hurts!' and 'Leave me alone!' Think about it, Dad. What do you remember?"

"I remember always being in pain," Han answered.

"So, you dreamed about the scan-grid?" asked Jon.

"A little bit, yeah," said Han. "And I also remember how it felt to be frozen in Carbonite."

"Really?" asked Jon. "What did it feel like? I mean, was it similar to being in a coma?"

"I would describe it as being stuck in a literal living nightmare,"  said Han. "I was alive, I knew that much. But I just couldn't escape. I constantly felt like I was both paralyzed and suffocating."

"That sucks, Dad," Jon said bluntly.

"You're telling me," Han said with a small smile.

*Jon has been having nightmares of his own,* said Chewie. *Ever since Bespin, as a matter of fact.*