Getting Over Kaori Miyazono

Chapter 12

It'd been a while since I'd seen Kousei. A day or so ago I got a call from Hiroko. I don't know how she got my number but she was so excited I got Kousei to see her, but know he's so absorbed in practicing, I only see him every so often. Maybe tonight could be one of my famous evening food visits, he always loses track of time and doesn't eat.

Kashiwagi thinks I should do what I normally do, let him practice but check up on him, he still lives alone after all.

I guess I can stop by later...

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After my therapy session with Hisa and Hiroko, I tried to give myself some clarity on the whole thing.

What I knew:

Mom and Kaori are gone

I'm not responsible for their deaths

I have to forgive myself

What I didn't know:

How to move on

How to hear the piano again

Within a few days Hiroko had already signed me up for the next competition, picked out a piece, and figured out what I need to practice.

I just didn't know if I was ready for it all. Would changing my perspective really allow me to hear myself? Can I even forget?

"Do you think you'll be able to forget?"

Kaori's voice was there, in my head for just a moment.

"Don't forget me, okay?"

I didn't want to forget her, but it would be easier if I could. Forget about my mom's looming presence too.

All the while I practiced, when I practiced sometimes I didn't focus on the piece, I let my mind wonder. Then my phone rang... It was Tsubaki

"Hello"

"Hey Kousei, you home right now?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Coming in-" and she hung up on me, great. Within seconds I heard the front door open and close followed by her footsteps up the stairs. "Hey Kousei!" She smiled warmly, standing in the doorway of my practice room, holding a plate of a few sandwiches. "I told my mom you liked egg sandwiches so she attempted them for you."

"Tell her I said thank you" I got up from the piano and walked to her. "Thank you for coming." I took the plate and said it aside and hugged her, I felt her stiffen slightly, I don't think she was expecting it, soon she relaxed and put her arms around me. "I'm sorry I haven't been able to hang out a lot, I've missed you Tsubaki."

"I missed you too Kousei" we pulled apart and sat on the floor side by side, our backs to the piano. We each grabbed one sandwich and together we took a bite.

"Mmm" Tsubaki looked at me.

"Mmhmmm" after we finished chewing.

"It's actually pretty good"

"Yeah it is, I like it."

"I'll let her know, also, when's your competition? I wanna go and I'm sure Watari would wanna come to."

"Yeah I gotta hang out with him soon too, it's in a couple weeks, I'm kinda nervous for it." I could feel my chest tighten a little just talking about it.

"Well how come?"

"I went to a therapy session with Hiroko, and I might be able to hear my playing."

"Kousei that's great!! Why aren't you happy about that?" She leaned into me a little bit and I turned away slightly.

"I don't know if it will work, they said I need to let go of my past, forgive myself, but I don't think I can."

"You have to try, it might not be worth hanging onto anymore if it's just gonna cause you pain."

"I'll let you know how that goes in a few weeks, it will either work, or it won't."

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I didn't usually peg Kousei as a pessimist, but he has a very negative outlook on this whole, letting go of his past thing. I wasn't entirely sure how to help him. I haven't gone through the same things he has, I can't understand the way he thinks, but he's really changed over the years. He still holds the young, shy boy inside but is far more hard hearted and careful than before. I want to do my best to help him, but I don't know how.

I at least got home back to Hiroko, and the piano, he can figure out the rest...