Getting Over Kaori Miyazono

Chapter 14

I rushed off the stage, out of breath, sweaty, I rested my head and side on the wall. Hiroko ran to meet me, she grabbed my shoulders, yanking me from the wall and shaking me slightly.

"Kousei are you okay?!"

"Yeah" I breathed, I cleared my throat, "I just lost it for a moment, I couldn't hear it for a small moment. I fell apart again." I looked into her eyes as she held me still, "why didn't it work Hiroko? I really thought it would." Tears were sliding down my cheeks now. My hands automatically reached to cover my eyes. Hiroko grabbed them and I looked back up at her. She had a light grip on my arms, but I could feel her shaking hands. Her cheeks were tear stained, her lips quivered, and she looked just as broken as I felt. "Hiroko" I breathed as she started to sob. She pulled me into her.

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I may have wanted this more than he did. Saki worked so hard for him to play, he can't even hear himself. When will this end?

I sobbed into Kousei's shoulder pulling him closer to me. How can he come so far only to still have this problem?

"I-I'm sorry Kousei." I said to him, he seemed to have calmed down some.

"Hiroko it'll be okay." He rubbed my back as I hugged him. Why is he comforting me, I'm the one who should be helping him through this. Kousei isn't a fragile guy, he's gone through a lot and I just want the best for him.

I took in a strong breath and regained my composure. I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were glassy, but he had wiped away his tears, he could get through this, but could I?

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As Hiroko pulled away from me, out of the corner I could see Tsubaki and Watari running towards me, I didn't know they'd be here.

"What're you guys doing here?" I smiled as the approached.

"Came to support you dummy." Tsubaki stated as she hugged me.

"No way I'd miss this, you did good up there." Watari added, shaking my hand and hugging me.

"You think so?" I questioned, maybe my performance wasn't awful, but to the untrained ear, it may have sounded alright.

"Always." Watari claimed, I know I don't sound good all the time but I appreciate his support.

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I'm so happy to see him, I've missed his performances, I've missed him.  After we left the concert hall, Watari and Hiroko went home while Kousei and I walked.

"Hey you wanna go somewhere?" He blurted out.

"Sure, where to?" I thought we would just go home, I'm glad he wants to actually hang out.

"Hmm, wanna go to the ice cream shop again?"

"I'd love that." I smiled, looking over at him, he already was staring at me and he seamlessly slipped his hand into mine. I looked away, feeling my face warm up.

We kept walking together to the ice cream shop, it was nice to be together again. He opened the door for me and we both got our usuals and sat at a table against the wall. Seeing his smile fade I could tell something was up.

"Kousei, is something wrong?" His face was sombre, filled with resignation and a little confusion.

"I couldn't hear myself playing today." He stated in a flat tone, not able to make eye contact.

"Kousei I thought you couldn't hear yourself before, why would now be different?"

"I went to therapy. It was supposed to help."

"Wait, you went to therapy?"

"Yeah, my therapist and Hiroko believe the reason I can't hear what I perform is due to my past."

"I'm sorry Kousei." I looked down at the table, contemplating what to add. "What if you tried going back?"

"Why? What's the point? It's not like it would change anything, I've already done everything I could."

"I may not be a therapist, but I'm pretty sure going one time won't fix all your problems."

"Perhaps you're right, I just don't know that I'm ready to open up the wounds of the past."

I had to choose my words carefully, of course I want him to keep playing, but it's up to him to decide his future. "Kousei, how important is it to you that you play the piano?"

He looked back up at me, slightly puzzled at the question. "What do you mean?"

"Do you want to keep playing in the future? What would your life be if you gave that up?"

"I honestly don't know, I haven't done much else, the piano is all I have."

"So, is it holding you back, or is it everything?" She clearly asked.

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