Words I'd Never Say

Untitled Part 10

Relationships are tough.

Scratch that.

People are tough.

They play with your emotions, render you hopeless, give you strength, etc.

They give us a roller coaster of feelings.

But it's the worst when they leave. Because sometimes you think about them, think about what could have been. And that utterly sucks. Sometimes you want closure. Sometimes things end on a good note, but it still doesn't feel good. But I was being understanding. I wanted them to start fresh without me, because I'm baggage, I suppose.

Sometimes I feel like texting them in the middle of the night, when I'm restless and can't sleep until 5 AM (which is all the time unfortunately). Because that's when we would text before they left, staying up all night and falling asleep to the comfort of each other.

Sometimes I feel empty, because I was filled up with something so simple as their gaze.

And I have someone new, they make me laugh, and life is brighter and happier.

But it would have been nice to have that lost person come back, no matter how much I try to stay away.

Because I still think about them, I still think about how they helped me get through a really crappy time, and how they became a night owl so we could talk. I remember that we were unstoppable and the closeness and the bond, no matter how far we were.

And then I remember that it's gone.

Because I can't even get text back, not even a hello, or an awkward hi. I can't get one last call that took up all hours of the night. I can't get back the lovely pettiness or the jokes that made me accidentally laugh aloud when I was supposed to be sleeping.

I can't even see them again, because I deleted everything so I could forget. But I haven't forgotten, in fact, I remember all the time.

It sucks to know that I am nothing.

Nothing but forgotten.