The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Ch. 3 The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

My name is Lalita Catkin and I'm 17 years old. I'm a senior at Clifrigg High. I'm a B student and play no sports. I hair is brunette, long, and wavy. I cut it myself with scissors and try to keep it mid back. I have long bangs to cover up any bruises that I may receive. It's 5:30 a.m. and I'm walking down the stairs. I have to fix my father's breakfast. This is just a routine to me now. Father will probably want eggs, bacon, and toast. Should I fix grits? Let's see...it's Monday and he beat me on Saturday so he could possibly beat me today. I'll fix the grits. My father usually beats me every other day. If I'm lucky, I'll go for three days without a beating. The longest I've ever gone without a beating was nine days. I usually wear my hair down but I decided to put it in a ponytail today. If he beats me now, I can put it down on my way to school. You're probably wondering why I don't get help. Why I don't talk to someone about this right? Well the answer is pretty simple. If I tell, I'll be an orphan. You see, my mother ran off with my dad's younger brother and that's caused a rift in the family ever since. My father doesn't claim them and they don't claim him. If they don't claim him, why would they claim me? So I just have to endure the pain for a little longer.

My father is Fidel Catkin and to everyone else, he looks perfect. He has blond hair and blue eyes and has great facial features. He stays in shape by using me as his human punching bag. He works at an auto shop so I guess that also helps too. His blue eyes are like death to me. They are icy and barren. Whoever said death was black is wrong. It's blue. Black is the expected death. Blue is the slow going, never ending death that loves to torture innocent souls. Without my father knowing, I have sent out a lot of college applications and have submitted myself into a lot of places that give scholarships. I've had no luck yet but hopefully something will come my way. Then I hear my father coming down the stairs. "Lita! Where's my food!?" He screams. I put his plate down and fix his orange juice. "Lita!" Then he turns the corner as I'm putting the napkin on the table. He hits my back which causes me to land on the floor. "When I call for you bitch you answer! Got it!?" he screamed. "Yes Sir." I said. Satisfied with my reply he pulls out his chair and sit's down. "Get up bitch!" He screamed. I struggled to get up but it wasn't fast enough for him so he took the wooden spoon that's always on the table and hit me with it. There's a weapon in every room of the house. I can't move them. "Get up!" He screamed and I got up faster. It took all of my strength but this wasn't the worst beating of my life. I can take it. I walk to go sit in front of him. "How is school going sweetheart?" He asked. That's what makes the beatings unbearable. He has two personalities. He has the nice father personality and then he has the abusive father personality. "Everything's going well father." I said. He nodded his head and continued to eat. I never took my eyes off of him. I was a master at observation at this point. Details that might seem unimportant to some are what intrigue me. The way my father's jaw moves every time he chews and the wrinkles on his forehead drag me in the most. My father's hair is still perfect. No sign of aging. My father looks perfect yet I look hideous. I'm so slim and I have no color. My hair is usually a mess and my nails are jagged. Even my eyes are ugly. They aren't the light, bubbly, energetic green. They are the sickly, dark, disgusting green. It's not easy being green right Kermit? Finally father finished eating. He started to get up and I just stared at where he was sitting. One time I got beat because he said curiosity killed the cat. I wish I had died that die. I wish I could die now. I just keep living because I'm scarred of how he would treat my dead corpse and I would hate to be a spirit trapped on earth because of something he did. I'm also scared of going to hell.

"I'm leaving." He said and then walked out of the door. I didn't move until I heard his car start and zoom down the street. I let out the breath that I didn't realize I was holding in. I cleared his plate, washed them, put them away, got my bag, and headed out the door. My neighborhood looks like an ordinary neighborhood. It actually looked better than most. We had the green grass, swimming pools, and overly peppy neighbors. My father was a partner at the auto shop so it wasn't like we were poor. I head down the street and arrive at school. I walk through the door and head for my lockers. Luckily we don't have to worry about clothes, because we have uniforms. I ran into my "friend" Nicole. "Hey Lita!" she said. "Hi Nicki." I said. We walked towards our lockers. Nicole was the closest thing I had to a friend but we don't do friend things together. I've never been to her house and she's never been to mine. We don't hang out after school and we don't hang out on weekends. We've never been to the mall or movies together. We would never see each other if it wasn't for school. Nicole is perfect. She has the perfect family, the perfect grades, the perfect friends, and the perfect life. She has everything I've ever dreamed of. I wish I could switch places with her but that's only a wish. You have to live in the real world. "Did you do your English essay?" she asked. I sighed. "Nope I totally forgot. I'll do it during free time though." "You better or else she'll have your neck." She said then the bell rung. "I'll see you after class!" She said and walked away. I quickly walked to my class.

My first class was math. I like math. Everything is either right or wrong. There is no guess work. I sit in the back towards the left. Class went by and he gave us some homework due tomorrow. Then I went to French, then science. Now it's time for lunch. I got a slice of pizza, a sprite, and some tatter tots and sat at the usually table with Nicole. "Hey Nicole." I said. "Hey. Did you know that Ashley and Richie are still together?" I looked over where here gaze was directing and saw Ashley and Richie making out. She is the Cheerleader Co-captain and he's the Baseball Captain. I rolled my eyes but I secretly envied them. Their life was so carefree and mine was so complicated. "I know now." I said and Nicki smiled. "So do you have homework?" she asked. "I've got Math. You?" "I've got more English and Social Studies." Nicki is in honor classes so of course she would have mountains of homework. "Nicki don't you ever get tired?" I asked while sipping my sprite. "Nah. It makes me feel like I've done something." "Why done something? Isn't it doing something?" Nicki smiled. "I was just testing your grammar." She said and I rolled my eyes. "Nicki don't you want a boyfriend?" That was the only place she needed help in. "What? Me having a boyfriend? I don't think so. What about you? Look at that cutie over there!" I followed her gaze and saw this gorgeous guy. He was tall, African American, and muscular. He had a shaved, catholic school boy hair cut and black eyes. "I must admit that he is totally cute but my dad said I can't date." I said. Father actually said that if I dated a boy he would beat me until the cows came home. I don't think she needed to know all of that though. "Oh come on Lita! You've got to live a little!" she said. "If you like him so much, why don't you date him?" I said. Then the bell rang. "Ugh. We have to go." She said. We got up and dumped our trays and headed back to class.

After Gym class, I went to my locker. What did I need? A pen and English book. I grabbed the stuff and made my way to the library. I was flipping through pages when I bumped into someone. I dropped my stuff. "I'm sorry!" I said. I bent down to pick up my books and the person bent down and tried to help me. "It was my fault for standing there." He said. His voice was so deep. I looked up and it was the guy from the cafeteria. No way. I must've said that out loud because he looked at me confused. "I mean no way. It was totally my fault. Sorry for bothering you." I said and tried to stand up. I faltered a bit because the bruise on my back was hurting. "Are you ok?" he asked. Then he helped me up. "Thank you I'm fine." "Ok If you're sure. I'm new here and my name is Kayden. What's yours?" "It's Lalita but people call me Lita." "I'll call you Lalita. I don't really like nicknames unless your name is super long." I started to laugh. "Ok Kayden. I guess I'll see you around." I said. "I hope so."

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