The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Ch. 17 The Emotional Laceration of an American Girl.

Lalita's POV

I woke up this morning scream. I opened my eyes and my father was standing over me with an empty bucket. I was soaked with cold water. "No shower for you today. I decided to help you out," he said and then walked out the room. I hate him. I hate my mother. I hate my life. WHo decided that all this should happen to me? I'm at my limit now. I've put up with this crap for years thinking that it would get better. So much for wishing upon a star. I slicked my wet hair back and looked in the mirror.

My forehead was red, my eyes were blackish-blue, I had a cut on my bottom lip, and my nose wasn't where it usually was. I snapped it back into place and sighed. Sure it hurts but what can I do? I'm ugly and a crooked nose will only make it worse. I slowly got out of bed and started to put clothes on. The cold was floor and I felt it all the way to the tips of my hair. Now I can die of pnemonia. Is this seriously how I live my life? Is this even living? This ishow I've been living my so called life and I should be content. Happy even.

Dad provides me with food, shelter, and water. The three things I need to survive. What more could I ask for? Love? Overrated. The dreams of a teenager. The fantisies of a beliver of the greater good. It's ridiculous to even consider such a proposturious notion. Right? No. That's what I want. That's all I've ever wanted but I never get what I want. I'm used to disappointment. I made my bed and walked out of the room. I know how dad hates to come to a messy house. I walked down the stairs and made my way to the kitchen. I turned the corner and was hit by a frying pan. "Why is there no food in here," dad demanded. I-I can't see. "I'm sorry sir. I'll fix...eggs and bacon," I said. He picked me up by my shirt and slapped me.

"What else," he demanded. "Waffles. Fluffy buttery waffles. I-I'll make them with blueberries too," I said. Dad stared at me and then pushed me back down. My head hit the tiles and it hurt like a bitch. "Get up and don't fucking die. You're so worthless you might as well but don't you dare do it in my damn house," he said. He walked out of the room and I slowly got up. My death. Would that solve all of my problems?

If I really think about it...my life would be so much better if I was dead. Fuck the world or anyone else's life. Didn't someone say in order to get change you need to change? Well what better way than to die? At least then whoever's up there can do whatever the fuck he wants to me. Then I won't have to stay here with the devil's right hand man. It's not fair. I can't live my life like this anymore.

I fixed dad's breakfast and headed out the door but he stopped me. He put his hand on the door and stood behind me. I trembled as he breathed his blood churning breath on my neck. "You need to eat," he said. "W-Why," I asked. "I didn't ask you. I ordered you to eat," he said. I nodded slowly and walked back to the table. I fixed a plate for myself. I ate while he watched.

He watched me get dressed, bathe, do my hair, brush my teeth, and urinate while I was 12. Doing fatherly duties he claims. There's nothing about me that he doesn't know. What time I'm in class, when I leave school, my shift schedule, the bus schedule, and time of the month are just a few things he knows about me. He shouldn't know me so well but he does. I cried at night the first time he made me pee in front of him. He just sat there. Watching like I was lab rat. He made me bend over too. He wanted to know if I wiped myself properly. He spanked my ass that day too. Why I'm not sure but do I really care? No. If it wasn't my ass it would've been worse. It's just fat anyways.

"C-Can I go now," I stuttered. I just stared at my plate waiting for his answer. "Sure," he mumbled and I stood up. I walked out of the door and whispered, "Have a great day daddy." I closed the door and ran. I don't know why I still love him. I just can't hate him. He's the only family I have. The only! I don't have any cousins, sisters, or aunts to talk to. I don't even have any fucking grandparents! They're dead to me and probably think my mom took me with her. My mom's side of the family thinks that mom took me too. If only they knew how wrong they were but how did my godmother know? She must've loved me. It's just...I don't remember her. I've tried to think about her but I can't. She's just not there in any of my memories. I wish she was.

I wonder if she told her family that she was visiting dad? Probably not since my family hates dad but what if? Our house would be crawling with police. My dad would get arrested. Then what? If he doesn't drag me down with him I have no place to live. I don't want to live that way. Sure I have a crappy life now but think about how much crappier it would be if I didn't have my own four walls. Homeless at 18. Isn't that the American dream? I doubt that I can go from rags to riches like Cinderella.

I walked into school and tried to keep a low profile. Emphasis on the word tried. "Hey look! It's Casper," some bitch said as a group of followers did what they do best. I looked up and to my luck it was the head cheerleader. I tried to walk through them but they pushed me back. "Rude much Casper? Where's Wendy," she asked. "Please just leave me alone," I said through gritted teeth. Calm down Lita. I can't afford to get in a fight. There's no way in hell I'm getting suspended. More time with my father means the less time I have to live.

"Now where would the fun be in that," she asked. She walked up to me and pulled my hair. I felt tears swell up in my eyes but I refused to make any noise. "Taken like a true soldier. Maybe you should go to war. That way you could die honorably," she said. "Kim maybe we should stop. She looks infected," another girl said. Kim let go and looked at her fingers.

"What the hell do you have? Are you trying to kill my beauty," Kim asked. I shook my head no and tried to walk away. "Oh no bitch. Do you honestly think you can just leave? You chipped my princess sparkly pink nail polish," Kim said. Her gang of cheerleaders pushed me into a locker and my head hit the locker. All I saw was blackness after that. Blackness and red silk.

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OHHH! What's going to happen to Lalita? Is she alright? What's up with this new girl Kim? Well she isn't new but she's new to us. Or is she? Hmmm...All will be revealed later. Please comment and vote!